Podcast:
Parental Alienation and Finding Jesus w/ Matt Fendon

00:00:00.000 Well, welcome to the show. Cheers.
00:00:01.520 >> Welcome to the show. Cheers.
00:00:03.919 >> Thanks for having me.
00:00:04.640 >> Merry Christmas.
00:00:05.200 >> Yeah, I appreciate him. Merry Christmas.
00:00:06.480 >> Yeah.
00:00:06.879 >> Yeah.
00:00:07.440 >> Well, we got a Yeah. special guest here
00:00:09.360 today. We got a good friend, fantastic
00:00:11.440 work comp attorney, Matt Bendon.
00:00:13.519 >> Thanks for having me. I I’ve always
00:00:15.040 wanted to be on the show. I love
00:00:16.239 watching it. Every week it comes out.
00:00:17.840 So, it’s definitely a highlight to be
00:00:19.439 here for sure.
00:00:20.240 >> A So,
00:00:21.279 >> you’re great. I remember years ago I
00:00:24.160 remember Ken’s like, "Yeah, we’re
00:00:25.519 referring cases to this guy Matt
00:00:26.880 Fendon." And then I remember we got your
00:00:28.720 glasses and I was like, we need to learn
00:00:31.199 more about Matt.
00:00:32.238 >> You even forgot about these. These are
00:00:34.480 Matt Fendon Law Group glasses. Gift of
00:00:37.200 you. Thank you very much.
00:00:38.399 >> You’re welcome. You’re welcome. Yeah,
00:00:40.000 I’m big on the swag and I did this swag
00:00:42.879 quite a few years ago and Ken brought
00:00:44.800 these out today. I forgot I even had
00:00:46.320 these done. I got to do these again. I
00:00:48.480 know. You do.
00:00:49.440 >> That’s the gift that lasts. Sticks
00:00:51.360 around.
00:00:51.920 >> Everyone likes a nice tumbler.
00:00:53.840 >> Exactly.
00:00:54.719 >> You know,
00:00:55.280 >> we’ve got a special one in front of me.
00:00:56.960 We had these done several years ago.
00:00:58.320 >> Yeah. When my dad passed away
00:01:01.039 in she’s drinking ocean vodka today,
00:01:04.080 which was his favorite vodka.
00:01:05.600 >> Ocean vodka is delicious. It’s um I
00:01:08.479 might misspeak, but I believe it’s
00:01:10.560 distilled 88 times.
00:01:12.640 >> Wow.
00:01:13.119 >> And it’s made in
00:01:15.119 >> Maui and it is gluten-free
00:01:18.320 >> and you can drink a lot of it cuz I did
00:01:19.759 when my dad died and I did not get hung
00:01:21.439 over. So
00:01:22.880 >> yeah, we we medicated her with uh vodka
00:01:25.520 when her dad passed.
00:01:27.040 >> Do what you got to do, right?
00:01:28.000 >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:01:28.720 >> But you definitely we served this at his
00:01:31.520 memorial and everyone was like, I don’t
00:01:34.560 drink vodka. I’m like, you’re drinking
00:01:35.920 vodka today. It was his favorite. And
00:01:37.680 people did the shot and they’re like,
00:01:38.880 wow, this is smooth.
00:01:40.000 >> Yeah.
00:01:40.720 >> Yeah, it’s it is very very smooth.
00:01:43.040 >> Not a big vodka drinker myself. Love my
00:01:45.040 whiskey. But
00:01:46.159 >> what else do you drink besides whiskey?
00:01:48.159 >> Uh red wine. I like a good cab. Okay. I
00:01:51.920 like a San Joves. Um
00:01:54.479 >> I really got into Tempanos, which is the
00:01:56.560 Spanish red.
00:01:57.920 >> And then I I was in France in February
00:02:00.880 earlier this year, and I got into like
00:02:02.960 the Bordeaux blends. So, okay.
00:02:05.439 >> Yeah,
00:02:05.759 >> you’re much more sophisticated drinker
00:02:07.439 than we are. That’s
00:02:08.239 >> I don’t drink wine because it bothers my
00:02:09.919 body in a very particular way. I mean,
00:02:12.319 not to get
00:02:12.959 >> We don’t need to get into that.
00:02:13.920 >> No, it’s too acidic for my body. So it
00:02:16.400 like my body’s like angry mad, but I
00:02:19.040 love the taste of wine. And when I used
00:02:21.040 to drink wine, it was like I love the
00:02:22.800 sweeter wines. Red wine used to give you
00:02:24.800 headaches.
00:02:25.440 >> Yep. Yep.
00:02:26.959 >> But
00:02:27.760 >> it does make you tired. Red wine makes
00:02:29.760 you tired for sure.
00:02:30.800 >> Oh, really? Is it the tannins in it?
00:02:32.640 >> I I don’t know what. Perhaps, but if I
00:02:35.440 have more than a glass or two, then I
00:02:37.200 start to get tired. It’s a good way to
00:02:38.400 put me to sleep.
00:02:39.360 >> Oh, I know Skyla. She’s 15, but she’s
00:02:41.599 like at that point where she’s like,
00:02:42.800 "Mom, are you going to go pregame?" Like
00:02:44.879 she’s living it through us at 15. I’m
00:02:47.599 like, "Girl, I am not pregaming because
00:02:49.840 that’s pre-sleeping."
00:02:51.599 >> Yeah. Yeah. She’s a pusher and she’s got
00:02:53.680 a whole different idea of what
00:02:55.840 >> she doesn’t realize
00:02:56.800 >> people do when they drink.
00:02:58.000 >> Yeah. Day drinking for us means we’re
00:03:01.680 going to bed at 7:00 at night.
00:03:04.640 >> We were just talking about that. My
00:03:06.000 nephew is 30. You know, you know Liam
00:03:08.080 because if you call the office, Liam
00:03:09.599 works. But he’s 30 and we were talking
00:03:11.760 about his 21st birthday in Vegas. And
00:03:13.680 he, you know, was obviously 21st
00:03:15.519 birthday in Vegas, but we were talking
00:03:17.120 about it’s nothing is worse than being
00:03:18.879 in Vegas drinking from like 10:00 a.m.
00:03:22.239 to 3:00 and everyone’s like, "Let’s go
00:03:24.080 take a nap and then go to dinner."
00:03:25.599 You’re like, "I’m going to be dead.
00:03:27.360 >> I won’t be back."
00:03:28.239 >> Exactly. That’s it. Don’t call. Don’t
00:03:31.040 knock on the door.
00:03:32.000 >> Good night.
00:03:36.000 So, Matt, do you want to tell everybody
00:03:37.360 what kind of law you do and how it works
00:03:38.959 with injury attorneys and stuff like
00:03:40.879 that?
00:03:41.440 >> Yeah, I would love to. So, I’m a
00:03:43.519 boardcertified workers compensation
00:03:45.440 specialist. Um, it’s a very, very
00:03:48.560 specialized field. There’s not a lot of
00:03:50.560 people that do it. I think there’s
00:03:51.920 probably like 50 attorneys in our whole
00:03:54.560 section of the bar, both defense and
00:03:56.720 applicant. It’s definitely shrunk over
00:03:59.040 the years, too. My dad, we call him the
00:04:01.280 godfather of work comp. He was one of
00:04:03.920 the founding fathers, if you will, here.
00:04:05.840 >> Wow.
00:04:06.560 >> Yeah. So, but when back in the heyday, I
00:04:08.560 mean, it was the bar was probably twice
00:04:10.080 the size of what it is now. Seems like
00:04:12.560 I’m the only one that hires younger
00:04:14.239 attorneys to Nobody’s really hiring
00:04:16.478 anybody.
00:04:16.959 >> Why is that?
00:04:18.238 >> Good question. Um, I I really don’t
00:04:20.478 know. I mean, the defense firms
00:04:21.839 sometimes will hire people, but
00:04:23.759 definitely on the applicant side, what I
00:04:25.280 do, just plain stuff, there’s just no
00:04:27.840 there’s no real growth. There’s there’s
00:04:29.520 one other big firm besides mine. Um, and
00:04:32.320 everybody else is all solos and they all
00:04:34.639 seem to be winding down because they’re
00:04:36.400 all like from my dad’s era. So, um, my
00:04:39.919 sister
00:04:40.160 >> I mean, it’s a tough area of the law. It
00:04:42.000 really is. That’s got to that’s got to
00:04:43.680 play into not really a lot of
00:04:45.600 competition, a lot of people doing it.
00:04:47.440 >> Yeah. It’s an area of the law where you
00:04:49.600 have to do just that. Yeah. Like you
00:04:52.080 can’t dibble dabble in other stuff. For
00:04:54.240 a while, I used to do social security
00:04:55.600 disability, which was fine. I didn’t,
00:04:58.000 you know, I didn’t enjoy it. But that’s
00:04:59.360 a practice area that you can dovetail
00:05:01.520 with
00:05:02.479 >> work comp, right?
00:05:03.520 >> But other than that, I mean, you you
00:05:05.840 really have to just focus on work comp.
00:05:07.759 >> I totally agree. I’m a huge fan of
00:05:10.960 attorneys that specialize in a
00:05:12.800 particular area. Whether they they are
00:05:15.360 allowed to call it specializing or not
00:05:17.520 is is another issue all, but that’s the
00:05:19.520 the sole area that they practice in. I
00:05:21.840 think it’s it’s not wise for somebody to
00:05:24.720 go to just a general practitioner, for
00:05:27.120 somebody who does very specific type of
00:05:29.520 law. There’s a reason we get into what
00:05:30.960 we get into.
00:05:31.680 >> I I agree. I agree. Like you you you
00:05:34.320 want to be a onetrick pony, as I always
00:05:36.720 say. Like I’m really good at one thing.
00:05:39.360 Yeah. Yeah.
00:05:40.000 >> Don’t ask me to handle a personal injury
00:05:41.680 case. Don’t ask me to handle a contracts
00:05:43.520 case.
00:05:44.320 >> I’m really good at work comp, but I’m
00:05:46.479 not going in any other areas.
00:05:47.840 >> Yeah. It’s funny. I’m sure it happens to
00:05:49.520 you, too. We get questions all
00:05:51.680 throughout, you know, the day and and
00:05:53.919 you know, our walk in life. Hey, you’re
00:05:55.680 an attorney. Let me ask you this. And
00:05:57.360 I’m like, okay, that didn’t have
00:05:59.680 anything to do with an injury case. So,
00:06:01.520 I don’t know. I can find out. I I’ll get
00:06:03.360 some answers for you. That’s about best
00:06:04.880 I can do.
00:06:05.440 >> Yeah. I’ll get you to somebody that can
00:06:06.800 answer you.
00:06:07.360 >> Yeah. Exactly. Exactly.
00:06:08.560 >> But it’s interesting for me, just a
00:06:10.800 person that doesn’t know, you know, like
00:06:12.720 when I was first learning about the
00:06:14.160 difference between workers comp and
00:06:16.560 regular personal injury, it’s like, oh,
00:06:18.800 wait a minute. And then Ken, wait, one
00:06:20.960 goes to Matt and then Ken’s doing that,
00:06:23.280 but you can actually have a case where
00:06:24.720 you both are handling it,
00:06:26.639 >> which is confusing for the average
00:06:28.880 person. How does that work? So, someone
00:06:31.120 gets injured at work. Where is the part
00:06:33.039 that you’d handle it and Matt would
00:06:34.720 handle it?
00:06:36.000 >> The easiest example is somebody who’s
00:06:38.560 driving a work vehicle and they get into
00:06:40.639 a car accident. So, they’re on the job.
00:06:43.360 That’s work comp. But the accident was
00:06:45.600 caused by somebody. That’s a personal
00:06:47.520 injury case, car accident case that I
00:06:49.440 handle. So Matt and I work in
00:06:50.639 conjunction on those.
00:06:52.160 >> Yeah. Basically, if somebody else caused
00:06:54.960 the accident, that doesn’t work for the
00:06:56.639 employer.
00:06:57.280 >> Oh, that I get calls every day. Oh, I’m
00:07:00.479 going to sue my employer. I want to sue
00:07:01.680 my employer. You cannot sue your
00:07:02.960 employer if they have work.
00:07:04.080 >> Oh, really? They think that
00:07:05.840 >> every day.
00:07:06.800 >> What?
00:07:07.759 >> Yeah. Yeah. You can’t.
00:07:09.599 >> So, like you can sue for discrimination,
00:07:10.960 but that’s not workers comp. That’s
00:07:12.800 employment law.
00:07:13.759 >> Yeah.
00:07:14.319 >> Yeah. That’s another whole area.
00:07:15.759 There’s, you know, other guys that we’d
00:07:17.759 have to get in on on those things.
00:07:19.759 >> Yeah. But if if your employer or a
00:07:22.720 co-employee is negligent, then it’s all
00:07:25.520 work comp
00:07:26.880 >> except if they don’t have work comp
00:07:29.520 insurance, and I don’t know if you’ve
00:07:30.800 run into any of those, but
00:07:32.240 >> rarely it’ll it’ll come up.
00:07:34.000 >> Yeah. One of the exceptions to the
00:07:35.599 exclusive remedy for work comp is if
00:07:37.840 they don’t have work comp insurance,
00:07:40.479 then Ken could sue the employer in tort
00:07:44.639 and potentially try to go after the
00:07:46.080 liability policy. I don’t know how that
00:07:47.680 would work because that’s outside my
00:07:48.800 area of expertise, but legally he could
00:07:51.759 sue them if they didn’t have work comp
00:07:53.199 insurance and they were negligent.
00:07:54.720 >> Oh, how does that work, Ken?
00:07:56.479 >> I mean, yeah, you can sue them. It’s
00:07:58.800 difficult though because you got to
00:08:00.080 think about like like drivers driving
00:08:03.039 around the road that don’t have car
00:08:04.800 insurance. You can sue them personally
00:08:08.240 out of it because they probably don’t
00:08:09.360 have insurance because they can’t afford
00:08:10.639 it. Same thing with employers.
00:08:12.160 >> But some people are lazy. Like we
00:08:13.680 handled a case for somebody which they
00:08:15.280 ended up complaining that you didn’t get
00:08:16.479 a lot of money for them, but they were
00:08:18.400 like multi-millionaires and they were
00:08:20.479 driving a vehicle that they didn’t have
00:08:22.080 insured and then this person didn’t get
00:08:24.400 any medical care and that person was
00:08:26.479 wealthy. They were just lazy about that
00:08:28.080 car.
00:08:28.800 >> Yeah. Yeah. That’s
00:08:29.759 >> You know, some people are just lazy. You
00:08:31.440 know what I mean?
00:08:32.479 >> Most often though, I mean, if you just
00:08:34.080 talk about the probabilities, most often
00:08:35.839 the people who don’t have insurance,
00:08:37.200 it’s because they can’t afford it.
00:08:38.799 >> Got it.
00:08:39.599 >> Right. And the same would go for
00:08:41.039 employers. If they don’t have insurance,
00:08:42.880 probably.
00:08:43.360 >> So, do we have insurance, Ken?
00:08:46.320 >> And we got lots of insurance.
00:08:47.519 >> 10 layers. That’s how we lawyers do. No
00:08:50.720 kidding.
00:08:52.240 >> You guys are like the best for the most
00:08:55.040 insurance possible.
00:08:56.800 Yeah, umbrella policies galore.
00:08:59.680 >> So, most recently, we found out and we
00:09:02.240 didn’t know how much you and Ken have in
00:09:05.360 common with um your divorces and
00:09:09.839 >> Well, before we get into that though,
00:09:11.279 that’s Oh gosh, you’re not looking
00:09:12.560 forward to that. I don’t I’m trying to
00:09:14.240 avoid that conversation at all cost. But
00:09:16.320 anyway, before we get into that,
00:09:18.320 >> okay,
00:09:18.959 >> Matt uh is is very much a Christian
00:09:22.480 recently. Well, we were going to go into
00:09:23.920 the divorce thing and then the Christian
00:09:25.279 thing because we can ask him how he
00:09:27.040 handles all of the things.
00:09:28.399 >> I spoil that.
00:09:29.839 >> Yes.
00:09:31.440 >> I’d much rather talk about that though.
00:09:33.120 I’d much rather talk about our faith.
00:09:34.800 >> Okay. So, we’re all Christians.
00:09:36.399 >> Yes.
00:09:36.880 >> Yes.
00:09:37.440 >> And so, fortunately, we have a Lord and
00:09:41.040 Savior to go to for these crazy things
00:09:44.240 with divorce and kids.
00:09:45.839 >> Yeah.
00:09:46.640 >> Okay. So, both of you experienced, from
00:09:49.519 what I’m hearing, parental alienation. I
00:09:52.000 know for a fact you can because I’ve
00:09:53.600 lived it with you. Matt, would do you
00:09:55.839 want to little touch on your your
00:09:58.000 experience being a dad, divorced, and
00:10:00.640 parental alienation? because it’s
00:10:02.160 really, you know, I was looking it up
00:10:03.519 today and yes, it happens to both men
00:10:05.839 and women, but it particularly happens
00:10:08.480 more to men because a lot of times the
00:10:11.920 courts see the woman as the caretaker or
00:10:14.720 the woman gets mad and then they want to
00:10:17.040 be like, "You left me or whatever it is
00:10:19.680 and they want to spoil the kids because
00:10:21.279 it’s like,
00:10:22.560 >> you know, if you can’t be with me and
00:10:24.399 you can’t make me happy, then forget it.
00:10:26.000 I’m going to ruin the relationship with
00:10:27.519 the kids." And so that’s typically more
00:10:29.839 men than women. So
00:10:33.279 >> yeah, in my circumstance, I so I have a
00:10:35.200 26-year-old and a 22-year-old um son,
00:10:38.240 both sons. Um and so I’ve been going
00:10:41.200 through my divorce off and on now for
00:10:44.560 four or five years. We we got back
00:10:46.800 together, tried to reconcile, and then
00:10:48.560 it got refiled finally in October of 23.
00:10:52.640 And that’s where we’re at right now.
00:10:53.920 We’re hopefully going to conclude it
00:10:55.519 this spring, but
00:10:56.800 >> we all know how that goes. Yeah.
00:10:58.240 >> Um, so as part of the process, um, my
00:11:02.959 sons basically have decided that they’re
00:11:05.760 not going to talk to me until the case
00:11:08.480 is settled. Until the case is settled,
00:11:10.959 they don’t really want to have anything
00:11:12.399 to do with me because um, you know,
00:11:15.760 their mother I mean obviously I I don’t
00:11:18.480 have direct evidence of this, but
00:11:21.040 >> but your feel your feelings are valid.
00:11:23.120 >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, basically, um,
00:11:27.040 they I haven’t really talked to my
00:11:29.680 either of my sons for,
00:11:32.160 um, couple years. The the oldest one
00:11:35.120 definitely for a couple years. Um, the
00:11:37.120 youngest one we were texting back and
00:11:38.720 forth recently, and then I was actually
00:11:40.640 going to go up to Portland. That’s where
00:11:42.240 they live in Portland, Oregon. They
00:11:43.519 moved up there. Um, their mom’s up
00:11:46.640 there, too. And, uh, I was supposed to
00:11:48.959 go up there in early November. And my
00:11:51.440 youngest and I had even like planned it
00:11:53.040 out like, "Hey, I’m going to stay at the
00:11:54.160 hotel you’re working at, you know, we’ll
00:11:56.160 hang out." And then I was confirming,
00:11:58.720 you know, a couple weeks out and then he
00:12:00.480 decided, "No, I don’t want to really
00:12:03.120 talk to you anymore until the divorce is
00:12:04.720 final."
00:12:05.120 >> And so, do you feel like your ex put
00:12:07.120 that in his ear? Is that like his
00:12:08.720 personality or No,
00:12:10.079 >> I mean, I think I think she put it in
00:12:11.920 both their ears. Um, uh, my
00:12:14.480 mother-in-law, too. Um, they’re kind of
00:12:16.079 a tag team. Um, and so yeah, I mean,
00:12:19.920 obviously I I was at fault in my
00:12:22.639 divorce. I I take fault for it. Like I
00:12:24.639 made a mistake. I’ve repented. I’m a
00:12:26.639 Christian,
00:12:27.360 >> but that’s against your ex. That’s not
00:12:28.800 against your kids. That’s the That’s the
00:12:30.639 hard part with these situations, even
00:12:32.560 including Ken. Ken left
00:12:34.959 >> his ex.
00:12:35.920 >> Yeah.
00:12:36.399 >> And then all of a sudden, your kids were
00:12:38.560 little,
00:12:39.600 >> right? And then all of a sudden it was
00:12:41.600 like something popped up on Facebook
00:12:44.959 from 2011 that you were questioned in
00:12:48.160 court by her attorney, which she used to
00:12:50.880 be a divorce attorney, so it was all
00:12:53.360 written by her. And it was basically,
00:12:55.279 "Why didn’t you send me a birthday card
00:12:57.120 from the boys?" And you’re like, "Wait,
00:12:59.120 or mother’s day card, something like
00:13:00.399 that." And you’re like, "But I live in
00:13:01.440 Arizona. Why would I be writing a
00:13:02.959 Mother’s Day card to you from my kids
00:13:05.360 that you live with?"
00:13:06.560 >> Right? It was like very very convoluted
00:13:10.480 things. And as a woman, you know, I went
00:13:12.880 through a divorce and Jack is
00:13:16.560 not your son,
00:13:17.920 >> right?
00:13:18.399 >> And my biggest deal was focusing on my
00:13:21.440 child being whole and healthy. And that
00:13:25.440 mattered more than
00:13:28.320 my feelings about my divorce. And so
00:13:31.120 that’s where I feel like it’s
00:13:32.399 unfortunate that these women, they don’t
00:13:35.519 care if they’re hurting their kids’
00:13:36.800 lives to hurt you.
00:13:38.800 >> No. And I, you know, one of the things
00:13:40.720 that I’ve always respected uh about
00:13:42.880 Megan is
00:13:45.600 her Jack’s dad got remarried to another
00:13:49.200 woman. and she made sure Jack always
00:13:53.519 knew that it’s okay if she loves him and
00:13:58.240 he loves him because you can’t have too
00:14:00.880 much love,
00:14:01.680 >> right?
00:14:02.399 >> So rather than try and isolate him and
00:14:05.199 keep him separate and feel guilty if
00:14:07.440 he’s feeling some kind of love or some
00:14:09.839 kind of feelings towards them, she
00:14:12.000 allowed it. She encouraged it. And it’s
00:14:14.320 just that had to have been like a kick
00:14:16.160 in the gut for you, honestly.
00:14:18.079 >> Absolutely. And I mean and it just now
00:14:20.399 it feels like it’s just a negotiation
00:14:22.000 tool, right? Because it’s just like
00:14:24.399 >> um you know I my kids aren’t talking to
00:14:27.120 me right now because this is continuing
00:14:29.360 and then even when it settles who knows
00:14:31.839 when they’re going to talk to me because
00:14:33.120 if she goes to him and says well I
00:14:34.800 didn’t get enough out of this like
00:14:37.360 when’s it going to end? Um, so yeah, I
00:14:39.440 mean it’s a definite kick in the gut
00:14:41.839 because um I miss my sons and I would
00:14:44.800 love to have a relationship with them
00:14:46.720 >> and um yeah, I I don’t know what to say.
00:14:50.560 I’ve turned to Christ and that’s been
00:14:52.160 the biggest
00:14:53.600 >> savior here basically.
00:14:55.279 >> Honestly, that’s one of the things that
00:14:56.480 that brought me to Christ as well is and
00:14:58.800 so you know I guess you see the silver
00:15:00.880 lining in that. Uh but you know, we’ve
00:15:03.839 we’ve read studies, we’ve looked into
00:15:05.600 it, we’ve done so much studying on the
00:15:08.160 subject because of what we went through.
00:15:10.079 And I say we because it’s not just my
00:15:12.480 kids that you know, Megan has not had a
00:15:14.399 relationship with my sons because
00:15:17.519 >> Skyla’s brothers. Skyla brothers. Skyla
00:15:20.079 has not had a relationship with her
00:15:21.360 brother.
00:15:21.600 >> She’s tried to she’s tried to friend
00:15:22.880 them on social media and they’ve denied
00:15:24.959 it. And it’s just it’s just unfortunate
00:15:28.959 because
00:15:30.639 women’s vengeance, especially women,
00:15:34.320 they want to hurt you by by hurting you
00:15:38.240 with the kids when the kids in the end,
00:15:41.519 you know, it’s not like Jack was It’s
00:15:43.760 not like Jack didn’t come home and say,
00:15:45.120 "Mom, dad told me that he hates cats and
00:15:47.839 he hates you more than cats." I’m like,
00:15:49.759 "Okay, I didn’t say anything bad about
00:15:52.240 him because guess what? In the end, your
00:15:55.199 kids will make up the decision. So, in
00:15:58.800 the end, as much as you know, I read as
00:16:02.399 much as you’re upset, you should
00:16:04.800 literally be thinking about your kids,
00:16:07.440 your divorce has nothing to do with your
00:16:09.360 kids.
00:16:09.680 >> Well, and that’s what I was going to
00:16:10.480 say. We we’ve heard the the studies that
00:16:12.800 say that
00:16:14.639 unless there is parental alienation,
00:16:18.560 this separation from the kids doesn’t
00:16:21.440 happen. Right.
00:16:22.240 >> I mean, it just doesn’t happen unless
00:16:24.160 it’s caused by one of the parents, one
00:16:26.079 or more of the parents.
00:16:27.199 >> Exactly. And I mean, I’m living it right
00:16:29.600 now.
00:16:29.920 >> Yeah.
00:16:30.480 >> And so, yeah. I mean, it’s it’s
00:16:33.680 >> shameful. It’s sad. I miss my sons. Um,
00:16:37.120 it gets really bad. I mean, we’re two
00:16:39.839 days from Christmas right now. We’re
00:16:41.519 filming this and
00:16:42.720 >> it gets really it gets really bad around
00:16:44.959 the holidays. So,
00:16:46.480 >> so if they were watching this, Matt,
00:16:47.920 what would you like to say to them right
00:16:49.120 now? I mean, what I would say to them is
00:16:50.720 like, I love you. I’m your dad. Like, I
00:16:52.639 want to be in your life. Um, I want to
00:16:54.880 do father-son stuff. Like, I’ll fly
00:16:58.320 wherever you guys are. I’ll fly you to
00:17:00.079 wherever I am. Like, yeah, whatever.
00:17:02.079 Like, just just be together.
00:17:04.160 >> Um,
00:17:04.640 >> you go to the ends of the earth for
00:17:05.919 them.
00:17:06.079 >> I go to the ends of the earth for them.
00:17:07.919 Um, and and I for a period of time, I
00:17:12.240 was writing them handwritten notes
00:17:14.400 because they weren’t even responding by
00:17:16.799 text or anything. um for a long time and
00:17:19.520 I was doing handwritten notes that I
00:17:21.599 would write almost like a journal,
00:17:22.799 right? So you you like journal and then
00:17:24.880 you send it to them. Yeah.
00:17:26.400 >> Um
00:17:28.000 but I mean I’m just at the point where I
00:17:29.679 just like I I want my sons back in my
00:17:31.600 life.
00:17:32.320 >> And then I look at the other, you know,
00:17:33.679 the carryover effects to it. Like
00:17:36.080 >> my parents my parents are in their mid
00:17:38.080 80s. My my kids never really knew my
00:17:41.039 parents because
00:17:42.640 >> my ex
00:17:44.640 kept them away from them. like it was
00:17:46.240 always her family this her family we
00:17:48.080 have always have to go to her family’s
00:17:50.160 events
00:17:50.960 >> and so my parents don’t know
00:17:53.360 >> my kids and so and they’re in their mid
00:17:55.679 80s they’re not going to be around much
00:17:57.760 longer so my kids may never ever know my
00:18:00.799 parents and that just makes me want to
00:18:02.799 just break down too
00:18:03.840 >> yeah now right there with you same exact
00:18:06.000 situation
00:18:06.799 >> the ripple effect as well yeah
00:18:08.720 >> the ripple effect
00:18:10.080 >> I you know Megan I I want to ask you as
00:18:13.760 a woman and and we’ve already
00:18:15.600 established this is not you.
00:18:16.880 >> Do I need a drink before you
00:18:18.080 >> take take another drink? You were you
00:18:19.919 were nowhere near this.
00:18:22.960 You never have been and and never will
00:18:25.200 be. But as a woman, can you give some
00:18:27.440 understanding what’s going through the
00:18:29.200 minds of those women when they’re doing
00:18:30.960 it?
00:18:32.960 >> If you cheated on them, if you left
00:18:35.280 them, you hurt me. I gave you these
00:18:38.799 kids. I produced these kids.
00:18:42.400 And on the same token, I don’t want them
00:18:45.280 seeing some other woman that’s going to
00:18:48.000 Women are very particular about,
00:18:50.720 especially if they’re younger, what
00:18:52.240 they’re eating, what their bed. Like for
00:18:54.640 me, I was concerned because Jack was
00:18:57.280 severely autistic. And at court, they
00:19:01.120 lied and they said he wasn’t. And he
00:19:03.440 actually won a 5225 schedule, which is
00:19:05.520 insane for a highly severely autistic
00:19:08.799 child.
00:19:09.120 >> That was the visitation schedule. That
00:19:10.559 was 5 days with one parent, two days
00:19:12.640 with another parent, two days back with
00:19:14.480 the other parent and then five days.
00:19:15.600 >> Try that with an autistic kid. It’s just
00:19:17.360 we had to go and have a another
00:19:20.000 mediation or something like that and
00:19:21.760 they and this this psychologist met met
00:19:25.679 um Jack and was like there’s no way. But
00:19:29.919 yes, you can be pissed. You can be in
00:19:33.440 love with your husband and if he cheats
00:19:35.120 on you or if he and I I don’t know your
00:19:37.120 situation, whatever it is, if you hurt
00:19:39.520 that woman, she is she is going to come
00:19:42.799 back hard. But I have to tell you, you
00:19:46.799 have to love your kids more than your
00:19:48.880 pain. You have to love your kids more.
00:19:51.360 You don’t think it pissed me off when
00:19:53.200 I’d hear, you know, Jack would go over
00:19:55.440 there and they’d say, "You you’re not
00:19:57.039 buying him this that he wasn’t able to
00:19:59.200 bring toys over to their house cuz they
00:20:00.799 had other kids at the house and he’d
00:20:03.360 say, "Mom, I really want to he’s
00:20:05.360 autistic. I really want to bring this
00:20:07.039 toy to the house." And they said, "No,
00:20:09.120 no." It was like I so badly in my mind
00:20:15.440 wanted to hurt him for doing that to
00:20:17.760 Jack or hurt him for not being there.
00:20:20.240 But in the end, you can’t do that. It is
00:20:24.320 your child’s life. And God gave them two
00:20:26.320 parents. You couldn’t get pregnant by
00:20:28.320 yourself. Your wife couldn’t have gotten
00:20:30.720 your ex couldn’t got pregnant. Your ex
00:20:32.159 couldn’t have got pregnant. I couldn’t
00:20:33.360 get pregnant by myself. I mean, unless
00:20:35.840 it’s artificial insemination or it’s I’m
00:20:38.240 mother Mary
00:20:40.799 and it takes two to get pregnant. God
00:20:44.080 gave these children to both of you. Get
00:20:47.440 over yourself, ladies. I’m sorry. Yeah.
00:20:50.400 >> I mean, get over yourself. You’re not
00:20:52.240 that important. And when it comes to you
00:20:55.919 being better than Yes. There’s
00:20:57.679 situations where maybe your husband’s an
00:20:59.760 alcoholic and you’re afraid to get them
00:21:01.520 in the car and they’re going to drive
00:21:02.799 with them and you want to make sure that
00:21:04.880 they’re saved or they’re a drug addict
00:21:06.880 and you know there’s safety issues.
00:21:09.120 That’s a completely different story.
00:21:10.559 We’re not talking about safety issues.
00:21:12.880 If you’re But but but but let me add but
00:21:17.200 but if they were an alcoholic or they
00:21:19.120 were a drug addict and they’re showing
00:21:20.559 you that they’re doing better or they’re
00:21:22.000 showing you that they can do things
00:21:23.840 better. It is you are not the judge and
00:21:25.760 jury where you’re like this is my kid. I
00:21:27.760 own them and you don’t get any decisions
00:21:31.919 and but that’s just me. I’m a middle
00:21:33.679 child. I’m a fair person. I think that
00:21:36.640 comes with the middle child. I am a fair
00:21:39.039 individual where I’m like, let’s make
00:21:41.760 everything fair. But, you know, then
00:21:43.600 again, I am I have more guy friendss
00:21:45.919 than girlfriends. I I get along with men
00:21:48.400 better than I get along with women.
00:21:49.760 Women’s emotions drive me nuts where I’m
00:21:52.159 like, "Of course this, of course that."
00:21:54.720 But, you know,
00:21:56.320 >> I don’t know, Matt. I I don’t know if
00:21:58.159 you I I don’t know the specifics of your
00:22:01.360 situation, but when I hear Megan talking
00:22:03.919 about, well, if it’s safety is an issue,
00:22:06.799 that’s that’s something else. My
00:22:08.799 experience was always spinning that from
00:22:11.840 anything. It was like, oh, wait a
00:22:13.919 minute. You don’t put, you know, covers
00:22:16.159 on the the electrical outlets. That’s a
00:22:18.320 safety issue. The kids can’t come over
00:22:19.679 to your place. you know, something that
00:22:22.400 minuscule to spin it into a huge ordeal
00:22:25.280 and make it well, it’s a safety thing.
00:22:27.440 >> Your ex wouldn’t let them come over if
00:22:29.039 they were going to eat cake that someone
00:22:30.159 else blew the candles on,
00:22:31.200 >> you know? Right. Well, and my situation
00:22:33.200 is entirely different because they’re
00:22:34.640 adults.
00:22:35.200 >> Yeah. No, they’re adults.
00:22:36.080 >> Exactly. Exactly.
00:22:37.200 >> So, it’s like I I didn’t have that
00:22:39.120 situation that you had, Ken. They’re
00:22:41.039 adults and they’re still being
00:22:43.280 manipulated to the point where they’re
00:22:45.600 they’ve shut me out and they’re
00:22:47.520 basically tools in this whole thing,
00:22:49.200 right? And so yeah, I mean that’s the
00:22:51.360 most frustrating thing about it is um
00:22:55.440 and and it and the reason why we got
00:22:57.679 divorced is because I you know committed
00:22:59.200 adultery.
00:23:00.080 >> Yeah. And it happens
00:23:01.440 >> and and I repented and it was one of the
00:23:03.760 worst things I ever did.
00:23:04.720 >> That’s not against the kids. That’s
00:23:06.080 against her.
00:23:07.520 >> So but it there was no there was never
00:23:10.000 anything with the kids.
00:23:11.360 >> Correct.
00:23:12.080 >> So that’s what makes it so frustrating,
00:23:13.840 too. I can’t let you uh lay your
00:23:16.159 confession out without joining you. I
00:23:18.960 did as well.
00:23:19.760 >> Yeah.
00:23:20.159 >> And that’s what one of the things that
00:23:21.679 led to my divorce. And
00:23:23.600 >> not with me though.
00:23:24.559 >> No,
00:23:24.960 >> no. I just want to put that out there.
00:23:28.080 >> I met Ken a year after his divorce
00:23:29.840 started. I made a lot of really really
00:23:32.159 bad decisions. Uh and and was a
00:23:35.120 different person. I like to think I was
00:23:36.880 a different person. And yeah, I I’ve
00:23:38.799 repented for a lot of things and uh you
00:23:41.840 know, ashamed and sorry about a lot of
00:23:43.679 things that I did. But like Megan said,
00:23:46.400 you know, I didn’t do that to the kids,
00:23:48.240 >> right?
00:23:48.480 >> I wasn’t.
00:23:48.960 >> Well, they’ll feel like you did. You
00:23:50.480 knew you had kids.
00:23:52.159 >> And and that’s the hard part is if
00:23:54.880 you’ve been in a broken marriage, I was
00:23:57.679 in a broken marriage. I I got a divorce.
00:24:00.240 I was yearning for connection. And you
00:24:02.480 know, I’m not speaking. Men are
00:24:03.760 different. You know, women get together
00:24:06.080 with men because they feel emotionally
00:24:08.400 connected to them most of the time. You
00:24:10.320 know, I was feeling very lonely. And
00:24:13.679 when we when my husband and I got a
00:24:15.919 divorce after nine years, it was like I
00:24:18.080 just so passionately wanted to feel
00:24:20.640 someone love my soul. Like I was feeling
00:24:23.760 so like, oh my gosh, I like need to like
00:24:27.039 have a drink in my soul. Like I was so
00:24:29.679 lonely. Where men, they’re more
00:24:31.840 physical, you know? They’re more visual
00:24:33.840 stuff like that. And so, but women know
00:24:37.360 that
00:24:38.480 >> that’s probably how you got your husband
00:24:40.720 in the first place. True. But you should
00:24:43.200 know if like things are not going as
00:24:46.080 they were. I mean, in your marriage, did
00:24:47.840 was there writing on the wall kind of or
00:24:49.679 not? Really?
00:24:50.240 >> I mean, it wasn’t a perfect marriage by
00:24:51.919 any means. Um,
00:24:54.000 >> not you know, I mean, um, it doesn’t
00:24:56.080 excuse the behavior.
00:24:57.200 >> No, of course not.
00:24:58.000 >> Never. But, um, no. and and agreeing
00:25:00.080 with Ken, but you have to understand if
00:25:02.480 you guys aren’t passionate, if you’re
00:25:04.960 not making love, if you’re not feeling
00:25:07.600 connected, I mean, you that’s where I
00:25:11.200 always talk about, you know, marriages
00:25:14.240 need to be constantly
00:25:16.480 being rekindled and constantly going on
00:25:19.200 dates and constantly because if you’re
00:25:21.200 not fulfilling that,
00:25:24.400 >> what what are you guys doing? It’s just
00:25:26.320 being robots. So, as much as the woman
00:25:28.000 wants to blame the man, where were you
00:25:30.559 >> right
00:25:30.880 >> when all of this was happening?
00:25:32.400 >> Yeah. I mean, when I I was coming home
00:25:35.039 from work, we had a two sto a two story
00:25:37.760 house at the time, and I would be on the
00:25:39.919 first floor the whole evening. Like, I’d
00:25:42.240 cook my own food, sit down there, eat my
00:25:45.039 own food.
00:25:46.000 >> And why wasn’t she cooking or being with
00:25:47.679 you? What was like
00:25:48.720 >> she was upstairs either in the gym
00:25:50.559 working out or on, you know, watching a
00:25:53.200 movie or whatever, but
00:25:54.720 >> just disengaged. So, was it like that
00:25:56.400 from day one or that just slowly started
00:25:58.400 happening?
00:25:58.960 >> It wasn’t like that from day one. I
00:26:00.400 mean, we had a we had a we had a good
00:26:02.000 run. Um, it just started to get that way
00:26:05.120 the last few few couple years or a few
00:26:07.679 years we were we we were together. Um,
00:26:10.320 but yeah, I mean that’s, you know,
00:26:12.480 again, no excuse for my behavior, but
00:26:14.320 there was there is a backstory to it,
00:26:16.080 right?
00:26:16.400 >> Well, and you were and I think probably
00:26:18.960 a lot of people I was going to say men,
00:26:21.760 but I think it it goes for men and
00:26:23.039 women. A lot of a lot of people in that
00:26:24.720 situation, they’re searching for
00:26:27.200 something. Yeah.
00:26:28.159 >> And and
00:26:29.919 >> you unfortunately make bad decisions
00:26:31.760 when you’re hurting and instead of
00:26:34.400 searching for it in your marriage with
00:26:37.279 somebody that that you want to turn to,
00:26:40.400 if that person’s not there for you, if
00:26:42.960 they’re disengaged like that, then then
00:26:45.679 people make the bad choice of looking
00:26:47.840 for that fulfillment elsewhere. And I
00:26:50.159 think that’s that’s probably a common
00:26:51.679 thing.
00:26:52.320 >> Yeah. Another component to it was like
00:26:54.880 every time we fought and the only thing
00:26:56.640 we fought about was how we wanted to
00:26:58.559 raise the kids. Like I’m more of a hey
00:27:01.279 let’s structured we want them to be
00:27:03.440 successful. We want them to be
00:27:04.640 self-sufficient men. Um so you know they
00:27:07.919 need to get good grades. They need to go
00:27:09.360 to college or trade school what have
00:27:11.520 you. So we would fight about that all
00:27:13.600 the time. And every time we fought she
00:27:16.320 would threaten divorce. Like you don’t
00:27:18.559 say the dword. It’s a number one thing.
00:27:20.960 You just don’t.
00:27:21.919 >> Exactly. So between that and then the
00:27:24.240 isolation, it was just like the totality
00:27:26.480 of the circumstances.
00:27:28.080 >> Well, women go from 1 to 10 in an
00:27:30.720 instance. I can’t ever tell you that I
00:27:32.400 have not said to Ken, "Well, screw you.
00:27:34.240 Let’s just get a divorce and I’ve thrown
00:27:35.919 the ring, you know." But I think the
00:27:39.679 important part of that is is it’s not
00:27:42.320 every time. And you grow from those
00:27:44.240 fights, you know. That’s from our
00:27:46.159 marriage is actually stronger
00:27:48.640 the more that we’ve gone on because
00:27:52.400 we’ve both gone, okay, we don’t want to
00:27:54.559 be here and we love each other and we
00:27:56.159 need to move past that. And I think what
00:27:57.840 happens in marriages that die out is
00:28:02.320 >> two people just don’t want to be
00:28:03.360 together anymore.
00:28:04.399 >> Yeah.
00:28:04.799 >> I mean, and that’s the hard part. I
00:28:06.799 remember with my situation, I had called
00:28:10.720 my sister who has her masters in
00:28:12.720 therapy, family therapy, and I called
00:28:14.399 her and I said, "You know what?" And I
00:28:17.440 said my ex’s name. He did blank blank
00:28:19.840 blank again. And she was silent. And she
00:28:23.200 was like,
00:28:25.200 "Okay." And either you’re going to do
00:28:27.919 something about it and go to therapy or
00:28:30.080 you’re going to stay. And I think that’s
00:28:32.240 the hard part is all of this is
00:28:33.919 happening while the kids are just a
00:28:37.200 unfortunate um what’s the word?
00:28:41.679 >> Collateral damage.
00:28:42.640 >> Yes.
00:28:43.679 >> It’s collateral damage. And your kids as
00:28:46.640 even as adults, I mean, come on. How
00:28:48.559 many families have people that like
00:28:50.000 you’re getting along and then all of a
00:28:51.120 sudden something happens and family
00:28:52.720 members that are in their 50s, 60s don’t
00:28:54.320 talk to you anymore? I have that, you
00:28:55.679 know, with family, my dad’s side of the
00:28:57.200 family in Chicago. And it’s just it’s
00:29:01.520 just this attitude of like almost like a
00:29:03.440 gang like we’re going to stick together
00:29:06.000 and if you don’t stick together with me
00:29:07.840 that means you don’t love me.
00:29:09.600 >> It’s tribalism.
00:29:10.720 >> Yes.
00:29:12.720 >> No. Tribalism is a great word for it
00:29:14.960 honestly. And I think I I wonder how
00:29:17.279 often you mentioned your ex’s
00:29:21.679 mother and family and and that tribe. I
00:29:25.200 wonder how often that’s really a
00:29:28.159 component of this with the alien
00:29:30.399 alienation because I think that’s one of
00:29:34.000 the components with with my kids who are
00:29:37.039 now all adults as well. I mean, and and
00:29:39.600 still, you know, the the
00:29:41.840 >> 25 and an attorney,
00:29:43.120 >> the the rallying cry for so many years
00:29:45.679 is wait until they’re adults. They’re
00:29:47.840 going to be adults. They’re going to
00:29:49.279 think for themselves. They’ll reach out
00:29:50.960 to you then. I’m still waiting.
00:29:53.120 >> Yeah. I mean, and I’ve got a 25 year old
00:29:55.679 as well. Same circumstance. So then I
00:29:57.760 just keep telling myself, was it going
00:29:59.440 to be when they’re 30? Is it going to be
00:30:01.120 when like when what’s is there an age?
00:30:03.200 >> I think Megan’s got it figured out. She
00:30:04.880 came up with it. I think I think her
00:30:06.640 theory is dead on
00:30:07.679 >> because you have four boys.
00:30:08.720 >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:30:09.440 >> So my theory is clearly
00:30:13.600 they’re not like that just with you
00:30:16.720 guys. You don’t think that they feel
00:30:18.559 like they own these kids with whoever
00:30:20.159 they are together with or they’re
00:30:21.679 married to or a girlfriend? I mean, do
00:30:23.840 your boys have girlfriends?
00:30:25.600 >> Um, I don’t know.
00:30:28.080 >> Okay. So, good point.
00:30:29.919 >> My whole thing is women, they are very
00:30:33.279 territorial. I mean, like that to plain
00:30:36.080 say it simply, we are territorial. I
00:30:38.320 mean, even in the animal kingdom, you
00:30:40.720 have two girl dogs and they’re like,
00:30:42.159 "Screw you." And you have boy dogs and
00:30:44.960 they’re like, "Let’s go. Let’s get
00:30:46.399 along." You know, and so what’s going to
00:30:49.919 happen, and this is my premonition, is
00:30:53.120 your kids are going to get with a woman
00:30:54.799 that doesn’t get along with mom.
00:30:57.120 >> And once that happens,
00:30:57.919 >> And once that happens, they’re going to
00:30:59.600 go, "Well, I can’t just completely have
00:31:03.039 this one of your boys not be connected
00:31:05.760 to the parent." they’re gonna start
00:31:07.520 encouraging them. Hey, let’s go reach
00:31:09.360 out to your dad.
00:31:10.480 >> And it’s it’s interesting that you
00:31:12.000 brought that up because I’ve thought
00:31:13.520 about that like, hey, once they find
00:31:15.679 good women,
00:31:16.799 >> they’re going to the the women will
00:31:18.240 think objectively and they’ll say,
00:31:20.640 >> "What’s going on here?" Yeah.
00:31:21.919 >> You haven’t talked to your dad for 5 10
00:31:24.159 years. Like, what do you do to you?
00:31:26.960 >> Right.
00:31:28.399 >> Right. What’s the list they’re going to
00:31:30.240 come up with? Seriously.
00:31:31.679 >> Exactly.
00:31:32.159 >> It’s true.
00:31:32.640 >> So, you’re on to something.
00:31:33.600 >> No, it is. It’s the woman that’s going
00:31:35.360 to be like that that wise ear, you know?
00:31:39.440 And I I mean, it’s shocking to me
00:31:42.559 because when I met Ken, Ken was the like
00:31:45.200 dad that like they would run to him when
00:31:48.080 he’d go to pick them up. His oldest uh
00:31:50.960 you know, was mad that Ken left, but how
00:31:53.840 old was your how I’m should we not say
00:31:56.799 names? How old was your oldest when you
00:31:58.880 left?
00:32:00.159 >> This was in 2007, January.
00:32:02.399 >> Yeah. So he was seven.
00:32:03.760 >> So he was seven. But how does a
00:32:05.360 seven-year-old really get that angry? I
00:32:07.039 mean, you know, but and you were seeing
00:32:09.440 the kids and you you did all of those
00:32:12.480 things and you were you were really
00:32:14.320 really really
00:32:15.679 >> I remember being with you with them and
00:32:17.519 it’s like they could do no wrong. Like
00:32:19.279 I’d be like, Ken, come on. Like he
00:32:20.960 wasn’t supposed to ride his bike over
00:32:22.399 blah blah blah. And you let him. You’re
00:32:23.679 like, yeah, I don’t want them to be mad
00:32:25.679 at me because they’re with their mom all
00:32:27.600 the time. And it was just really sad
00:32:30.799 because we would send gifts and you know
00:32:33.200 with you talking about Christmas coming
00:32:34.799 up, we would send gifts and then they’d
00:32:37.200 say we never got a gift
00:32:38.960 >> or you’d send a gift of a game and we
00:32:42.240 didn’t get that. And it was just
00:32:44.240 unfortunate that going back to all of
00:32:47.120 this as a woman.
00:32:50.320 I apologize.
00:32:52.080 >> You don’t need to apologize.
00:32:53.039 >> I know. I’m sorry that we can be pretty
00:32:58.000 awful. And you guys can be awful in the
00:33:00.720 sense of true maybe being
00:33:03.120 >> horny people, horny men that want to get
00:33:06.080 blah blah blah blah blah. And I get
00:33:07.600 that. And you guys,
00:33:09.919 >> we’re talking about relationships, but
00:33:12.000 then we’re talking about the kids.
00:33:13.360 >> Yeah,
00:33:13.760 >> the kids should have nothing to do with
00:33:15.840 that when it just has to do with
00:33:18.000 cheating or you know what I’m saying?
00:33:20.320 I’m not saying
00:33:21.120 >> people in general can be really crappy
00:33:22.720 and they can be crappy to each other and
00:33:24.640 >> well yes no one would let me in today
00:33:27.039 trying to get in. It’s Christmas. I’m
00:33:29.679 stuck in Desert Ridge parking lot for 80
00:33:32.480 hours and I’m like dude scissor scissor
00:33:35.279 we merge. We merge and people are like
00:33:38.000 we had you know people calling us today.
00:33:40.080 I need my check today or I’m going to
00:33:41.760 give you a bad review. You’re call
00:33:44.000 you’re calling it the wrong thing. NO
00:33:45.039 WONDER THEY WEREN’T LETTING it scissor.
00:33:47.679 >> No it’s a zipper method. It is this
00:33:50.480 >> scissor is something entirely different.
00:33:52.480 >> That’s why you weren’t That’s why nobody
00:33:54.000 was letting you in.
00:33:57.120 >> It’s It’s a zipper. Scissor.
00:34:02.080 It’s the zipper.
00:34:07.600 Oh, this is great.
00:34:11.040 >> It’s the vodka and the wet vodka and the
00:34:13.918 whiskey.
00:34:15.760 >> Well, all right. So, moving on a little
00:34:17.918 bit though. We can always circle back
00:34:19.280 because there’s so many more things that
00:34:20.560 we can talk about with this, but we
00:34:22.800 recently found out you’re also a
00:34:24.239 musician and that’s something that’s
00:34:25.440 close near and dear to our heart with uh
00:34:27.679 you know our our kids and our nonprofit
00:34:30.079 Tones and Bones. You’re a drummer.
00:34:31.918 >> I am a drummer. I started drumming when
00:34:34.079 I was like
00:34:35.280 >> four or five years old. I started on
00:34:37.359 like plates
00:34:38.719 >> and then my dad bought me a drum set
00:34:40.879 much to my mother’s chagrin. I was just
00:34:42.719 going to say
00:34:43.918 >> and uh yeah, I’ve kind of played off and
00:34:45.679 on um to this date um when you know as
00:34:50.159 I’ve been living alone I I created a
00:34:53.359 beat lab.
00:34:54.960 >> What?
00:34:55.520 >> Yeah. My fourth bedroom is a beat lab.
00:34:57.680 So it’s got my drum set in there. It’s
00:34:59.359 got great acoustics. So I’ll go in there
00:35:02.320 probably tonight at some point. I’ll go
00:35:04.000 in there, play a couple songs, throw the
00:35:06.000 headphones on and go.
00:35:07.760 >> I never really took any lessons. I I can
00:35:10.960 listen to a beat and pick it up pretty
00:35:13.119 quickly. Wow. So,
00:35:15.040 >> I think it was just something I was born
00:35:16.400 with. Um, and my oldest son actually is
00:35:18.800 a great drummer, too. He’s better than I
00:35:20.240 am.
00:35:21.040 >> Um, and he’s an amazing musician as
00:35:23.920 well. My youngest is a great guitarist.
00:35:25.680 So, it’s something in the family, Jean,
00:35:27.599 that
00:35:28.160 >> Yeah.
00:35:28.480 >> the musicians. But I love drumming. It’s
00:35:31.040 a great stress reliever. Um, you burn
00:35:33.680 like 400 calories playing.
00:35:35.839 >> Really? And I have to tell everyone,
00:35:36.880 you’re a complete sweetheart because you
00:35:38.880 did donate your last drum set to our
00:35:41.119 nonprofit, which was very, very kind of
00:35:43.119 you.
00:35:43.440 >> Yeah. My pleasure. My pleasure. Yeah. I
00:35:45.599 upgraded my my drums and then I said,
00:35:47.599 "Hey, I’m going to give this set to
00:35:49.599 Tones and Bones.
00:35:50.640 >> It was an awesome thing." Yeah.
00:35:52.160 >> Yeah. They even came and picked it up.
00:35:53.680 What service.
00:35:54.320 >> Yeah. Right. Right.
00:35:56.320 >> Well, yeah. You mentioned the uh the the
00:35:58.240 burning of calories. I I think because
00:36:00.240 our experience is with our son Jack and
00:36:02.720 with him as a musician
00:36:04.640 >> and he will go through, you know,
00:36:07.680 something emotional for him and we’ve
00:36:10.960 noticed one of the ways he gets through
00:36:12.640 that is through his music. You know,
00:36:14.160 he’ll start singing or he’ll write a
00:36:15.760 song or something like that. I would
00:36:17.680 imagine drumming it’s there’s a lot of
00:36:19.839 physicality to it and it’s it’s a good
00:36:22.400 way to burn through some frustrations.
00:36:24.160 >> It really is. It really is. Um, and you
00:36:26.800 learn new things every day. Like one of
00:36:29.119 my one of my dear friends for my
00:36:31.119 Christmas present shows up at my
00:36:32.960 doorstep about 2 or 3 weeks ago. It’s a
00:36:35.440 double foot pedal. I’ve never played a
00:36:37.119 double foot pedal on a base before.
00:36:39.200 >> So I’ve never played it before and so
00:36:40.880 I’ve always wanted to and he sent me
00:36:43.119 this double foot pedal. So I’m learning
00:36:45.359 that and it is very difficult. Um,
00:36:47.599 >> the coordination for that. Yeah. So, I’m
00:36:50.480 I’m watching these YouTube videos to try
00:36:52.480 to learn how to do the double foot pedal
00:36:54.240 because it’s entirely different game
00:36:55.839 from a single. But absolutely. Yeah.
00:36:58.000 Anytime I’m I’m playing my drums, four
00:36:59.760 or 500 calories, easy. Like I walk out
00:37:01.680 of there, I’m sweating. So,
00:37:03.359 >> wow.
00:37:03.760 >> It’s a great stress reliever. Um, my
00:37:06.720 perfect night during the week, so
00:37:08.880 usually a few nights a week I’m with my
00:37:10.400 girlfriend, but other than that, my
00:37:12.720 perfect night during during the week is
00:37:15.200 to come home, I have my dinner, I play
00:37:17.839 my drums for a little bit, and then I
00:37:19.839 crack open the Bible and start reading
00:37:22.079 and Beautiful.
00:37:22.960 >> Yeah. So,
00:37:23.599 >> so are you a good cook, Matt?
00:37:25.440 >> Uh, I’m a good cook on the barbecue. I
00:37:27.680 love it.
00:37:28.000 >> What do you What do you like to What do
00:37:29.440 you like to make?
00:37:30.320 >> Um, so I am like a robot. I eat the same
00:37:33.200 thing every almost every day. I have
00:37:35.599 usually chicken breast uh for lunch and
00:37:38.079 then I have like bison for dinner. Um
00:37:40.960 and I don’t get tired of it. People
00:37:42.960 meat.
00:37:43.280 >> Yeah. People make fun of me, but I track
00:37:45.040 my macros on my phone, so it’s really
00:37:46.560 easy to do that if you
00:37:47.440 >> Oh, Jack tracks his macros, too. Yeah.
00:37:49.680 He’s a heavy weightlifter. He can do
00:37:51.200 over 500 lb.
00:37:52.240 >> Wow.
00:37:52.480 >> Did you see our gym? We’ll have to have
00:37:53.839 you
00:37:54.160 >> I did see it.
00:37:55.520 >> Yeah, that’s hardcore.
00:37:57.440 >> But I I get what you’re saying, though.
00:37:59.119 >> But yeah, so like I’m really good on the
00:38:00.880 barbecue. Um other than that, I don’t
00:38:02.880 really cook a lot. Do you do bison
00:38:04.640 steaks or do you do like ground for
00:38:06.480 burgers?
00:38:07.040 >> I get the ground uh bison burgers from
00:38:09.359 Costco.
00:38:09.920 >> Yeah.
00:38:10.320 >> You can get like those two packs for 20
00:38:11.599 bucks. I didn’t know they had smoke and
00:38:12.720 deal. That sounds good.
00:38:13.680 >> Um and then I just basically um meal
00:38:16.720 prep for the week.
00:38:18.240 >> So I’ll cook it all like maybe on Sunday
00:38:20.240 or Monday and then I have lunches and
00:38:22.480 dinners and um if I don’t go out for
00:38:25.040 dinner, sometimes I do, but if I don’t
00:38:26.720 then I just eat the same thing. Bison
00:38:28.400 and sweet potato fries. Nice. So, so I’m
00:38:30.720 going to ask you a a a sticky subject.
00:38:33.599 >> Okay.
00:38:34.480 >> So, you you knew Charlie Kirk?
00:38:37.839 >> I did.
00:38:38.640 >> So,
00:38:39.280 >> I knew of him. I didn’t know person you
00:38:41.040 went to the same church he did.
00:38:42.640 >> Yes.
00:38:43.200 >> So, give us
00:38:44.000 >> Did he go to Trinity?
00:38:45.119 >> Yes. Okay. You are you give us some
00:38:47.440 insight on your opinion on the whole
00:38:49.920 Charlie thing? We’ve had we had Jeff on
00:38:52.000 here who actually got um Erica, her CCW.
00:38:56.160 he was friends with Dan and all that and
00:38:58.640 we’ve been talking that’s a subject
00:39:00.079 lately about what’s going on in Candace
00:39:01.760 and that whole thing at TPUSA.
00:39:03.760 >> I mean I know you probably have to be
00:39:05.119 careful about what you say and different
00:39:06.320 things. I but just give me your overall
00:39:08.800 what is going on with the craziness with
00:39:10.960 all of it and if you’re aware of guns
00:39:13.119 what your opinion is on how that all
00:39:16.640 worked out.
00:39:17.599 >> I mean I don’t believe the craziness. I
00:39:19.760 mean, clearly there was alleged, you
00:39:22.560 have to say alleged shooter
00:39:25.119 on the roof. I mean, they got they got
00:39:27.040 video of him. It was his gun from what
00:39:30.560 I’ve what I’ve heard. Um,
00:39:32.960 >> but what about them saying that it was a
00:39:34.560 three six that there’s no way it would
00:39:36.880 have blown his neck off.
00:39:39.280 >> Um, I don’t know enough about guns to
00:39:42.079 comment on that. I mean, I carry, but I
00:39:44.560 don’t know enough about guns to comment
00:39:46.640 on that. I know a 306 is a very powerful
00:39:50.560 powerful bullet. Um but um I don’t own
00:39:53.599 one myself. So I Okay. Yeah.
00:39:56.240 >> Um
00:39:56.720 >> so it’s a sticky situation that you’re
00:39:58.320 kind of like h
00:39:59.599 >> Yeah. It’s like you know I I you know I
00:40:02.320 don’t want to get involved in that kind
00:40:03.839 of stuff because I just don’t know
00:40:04.880 enough.
00:40:05.280 >> Sure.
00:40:05.920 >> That makes sense.
00:40:06.720 >> Yeah.
00:40:07.040 >> That’s fair.
00:40:07.760 >> Yeah. But it it’s interesting because uh
00:40:11.839 >> look at him double fisted everybody.
00:40:14.240 >> Yeah. Celsius energy drink. and whiskey.
00:40:18.960 >> We feed our guests really well. I mean,
00:40:21.200 drink our guests. You know, we are
00:40:23.680 talking about parental alienation, we
00:40:25.839 had to numb the guy a little.
00:40:26.880 >> Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Well, what I was
00:40:28.800 going to say is uh you know, we were
00:40:30.720 talking uh about the Charlie Kirk thing
00:40:33.359 and and with you being a Christian and
00:40:35.440 you have more conservative leanings as
00:40:38.160 do we obviously uh and I don’t know what
00:40:41.359 your experience is with the plaintiff’s
00:40:43.920 bar in general. So, other attorneys that
00:40:46.000 that do what we do, at least on the the
00:40:48.800 personal injury side, and I don’t know
00:40:50.160 with the work comp side, a lot of them
00:40:53.520 are more leftleaning. And so, it’s it’s
00:40:56.480 almost an oddity for somebody to be like
00:40:58.960 us and be more conservative doing what
00:41:01.280 we do.
00:41:02.000 >> Yeah, it is. Um, for sure. But I always
00:41:04.480 go back to the fact that I’m doing this
00:41:07.119 for the client, right? So, like I don’t
00:41:09.359 care what your political view is. I
00:41:11.040 don’t care where you come from. I’m
00:41:12.800 representing my client to the utmost
00:41:16.160 ability. Like I don’t ever halfass
00:41:18.800 anything. Like it’s always full speed
00:41:20.880 ahead. So um so yeah, I mean I kind of
00:41:24.240 stay above that fray. I mean you’re
00:41:25.920 you’re right. There’s a lot of people um
00:41:28.720 that are more leftleaning in our area
00:41:30.800 and I got lots of friends that are.
00:41:32.480 >> Yeah. Yeah. So um
00:41:33.440 >> and very good attorneys out there, too.
00:41:35.440 >> Yeah. So um but when it comes down to
00:41:38.000 it, it’s like what are we doing for the
00:41:39.440 client? Like that’s that’s what I care
00:41:41.760 about.
00:41:42.079 >> I love that. So
00:41:43.359 >> that’s why you guys work great together.
00:41:44.880 >> Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.
00:41:49.040 >> So what are you doing for the holidays,
00:41:50.480 Matt?
00:41:51.200 >> I’m actually hosting Christmas at my
00:41:53.520 house. I have 20 people coming over.
00:41:55.280 >> What?
00:41:55.680 >> What’s crazy is literally like three
00:41:57.680 days ago
00:41:58.400 >> bison burgers for everybody.
00:42:00.720 >> No. No. Got a turkey. I’m thawing out
00:42:04.480 right now. Um but uh but three days ago,
00:42:08.079 literally I’m texting with my family
00:42:10.880 because here’s another good thing that’s
00:42:13.200 come from this divorce is I’ve really
00:42:15.760 reunited with my father, my my sister
00:42:19.680 and I. My sister’s a work comp lawyer as
00:42:21.680 well and we we were all partners, my
00:42:23.599 dad, my sister and I. And um we had a
00:42:26.640 really bad partnership breakup in 2017.
00:42:30.079 Um I started Matt Fendon Law Group in
00:42:32.319 2018. Um, and Donna, Donna’s my youngest
00:42:35.839 sister. We didn’t talk for like five or
00:42:38.480 six years.
00:42:39.280 >> Wow.
00:42:39.760 >> And my ex did not like Donna. My ex was
00:42:44.400 my ex doesn’t know how to forgive. So,
00:42:46.000 she’s just like, "Hey, sad.
00:42:47.599 >> You don’t need to have a relationship
00:42:48.800 with Donna." Whatever.
00:42:50.800 >> The one of the bright spots from all
00:42:52.480 this is Donna and I are close again. I
00:42:56.079 got to meet my nieces LA. It was last
00:42:59.760 >> Thanksgiving. I got to meet meet my two
00:43:01.920 nieces.
00:43:03.440 four and two. So, such a cute age.
00:43:06.319 >> Yeah. So, I got to meet them for the
00:43:07.760 first time last year, which was awesome.
00:43:09.440 >> That’s great.
00:43:10.240 >> So, so yeah, that’s that’s that is a
00:43:12.480 plus that’s come out of all this besides
00:43:14.160 finding Jesus is my my family and I are
00:43:16.960 super close. The closest we’ve ever
00:43:18.400 been.
00:43:19.119 >> So, yeah, they’re all coming. My dad, my
00:43:20.960 mom, my brother, and my sisters and
00:43:23.359 their families. But where I was going
00:43:25.200 with this is a couple days ago, I’m
00:43:26.800 texting on the family on the on the
00:43:28.960 chain and said, "Hey, like who’s
00:43:31.040 coming?" And my dad’s the only one
00:43:32.640 that’s saying, "We’ll be there, Matt, as
00:43:34.640 always." And I was about to say, "Let’s
00:43:37.200 just go out for dinner or something."
00:43:38.480 Cuz it’s just going to be me and my dad
00:43:39.920 and my stepmom.
00:43:40.960 >> Cuz no one’s responding.
00:43:41.920 >> Yeah. And my girlfriend.
00:43:42.880 >> Yeah. That’s how they are. These group
00:43:44.240 texts make me mad. I’ve been like,
00:43:45.520 "Hello, hello." And then they’re
00:43:47.599 eventually like, "Okay, we’re coming."
00:43:49.280 >> But then everybody Yeah. Like the last
00:43:51.040 couple days, oh, we’re all in, so we
00:43:53.040 can’t wait. So
00:43:53.760 >> they just get busy and respond.
00:43:55.599 >> That should be a great time.
00:43:56.640 >> So what what’s your menu? I want to hear
00:43:58.400 it. Um, so it’s a smoked turkey that I
00:44:01.599 got from like Whole Foods, like that,
00:44:03.359 you know.
00:44:03.760 >> Yeah,
00:44:04.240 >> they already cooked it. Yeah, I’m just
00:44:05.680 throwing it. Actually, I ordered two
00:44:08.160 turkeys for Thanksgiving. This was the
00:44:09.760 one we didn’t eat, so thought it out.
00:44:12.880 And then, um, uh, my girlfriend’s a
00:44:15.760 really amazing cook, so she’s going to
00:44:17.280 put together some like baked macaroni
00:44:19.920 and cheese, um, some specialized
00:44:22.160 potatoes, um, vegetables. She goes on
00:44:25.359 Pinterest and puts together like she’s
00:44:28.319 doing like some sort of gingerbread
00:44:29.839 house that’s a shakuderie board at the
00:44:32.000 same time.
00:44:32.720 >> I love all that stuff.
00:44:33.760 >> She loves stuff like that. She’s like a
00:44:34.960 Martha.
00:44:35.760 >> I love that kind of stuff where they’re
00:44:37.280 like, "Wait a minute. This is a wreath,
00:44:38.800 but it’s also taco dip."
00:44:40.400 >> Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly.
00:44:42.960 >> Taco dip wreath.
00:44:44.240 >> Exactly. So, so yeah, that’s what we’re
00:44:46.240 doing. I’m excited about it. Um but
00:44:48.640 yeah,
00:44:49.440 >> that’s going to be great.
00:44:50.160 >> What about you guys? We’re hosting.
00:44:51.920 >> Well, we’re going we’re hosting on
00:44:53.119 Christmas Day and we’re going to my
00:44:56.560 mom’s on Christmas Eve. She has a house
00:44:58.240 here in Festival Ranch and she lives in
00:45:00.480 San Diego. So, she’s coming out here and
00:45:02.880 so some people are coming to her house
00:45:04.400 on Christmas Eve and then some people
00:45:06.400 are both you know coming. So, some are
00:45:08.560 just my sister lives up in almost like
00:45:11.599 >> where’s north fe north Scottsdale
00:45:13.920 >> like near TR.
00:45:15.280 >> That’s where I live.
00:45:16.000 >> Oh, she lives in tron. my sister.
00:45:17.280 >> I don’t live in Trum, but right there
00:45:18.480 >> near right Yeah. She lives right near
00:45:20.240 Trune. And so she has she has no kids,
00:45:23.920 so she has two dogs. And so I guess the
00:45:26.560 dogs,
00:45:28.079 >> she either says, "I need to go Christmas
00:45:30.160 Eve or Christmas Day cuz my mom lives
00:45:32.000 all the way in North Buckeye."
00:45:33.920 >> And she said the dogs can’t handle,
00:45:35.839 they’re like her kids and she doesn’t
00:45:37.280 have kids. So she’s going to come to my
00:45:40.400 mom’s on Christmas Eve. And then we have
00:45:42.480 some cousins and stuff going to my mom’s
00:45:44.079 on Christmas Eve. And then other people
00:45:45.359 are coming also on Christmas day. So
00:45:47.119 it’s kind of like what our family does
00:45:49.119 is we exchange stockings on you’re so
00:45:52.240 handsome. Like I can’t even take it.
00:45:54.319 >> I was thinking the same thing.
00:45:57.440 >> Maybe it’s the liquor talking.
00:45:58.960 >> It is.
00:46:01.200 >> It’s like he’s sitting there smiling at
00:46:02.880 me. I’m like don’t do that. How do I
00:46:05.440 continue? You’re blushing.
00:46:08.640 And so what we do is so it’s to make we
00:46:12.480 all exchange but then we used to do it
00:46:15.760 where it was like there’s too many
00:46:16.880 people so let’s just get stockings for
00:46:19.520 everybody and then we but then one day
00:46:21.839 it was like my dad died my mom’s like I
00:46:24.079 want to continue buying I want to switch
00:46:26.000 back and so we switched back but no one
00:46:28.160 ever gave up the stocking deal
00:46:30.160 >> so I’m a little bit add where I go into
00:46:32.800 stores I’m like oh the $5 section at
00:46:34.960 Ulta or whatever I need like oh this
00:46:37.359 This is a good thing of 12 lipsticks.
00:46:39.359 Oh, this is a blah blah bl that person
00:46:41.680 that has like 14,000 women.
00:46:44.000 >> Barely get into her closet right now
00:46:45.599 with all the presents stacked up. I
00:46:47.200 believe the family.
00:46:48.160 >> Oh, I guess we’re not we’re not going to
00:46:50.240 be posting this till after Christmas.
00:46:52.240 So, I guess I could say I want to Skyla
00:46:54.640 is like So, this I’m always No, normally
00:46:59.599 I have a list of like I’m getting this,
00:47:01.760 this, this, and this. But this year it
00:47:04.480 was like I don’t think I have enough. It
00:47:06.720 must be pmenopause brain. I don’t think
00:47:08.480 I have enough. And then I’ll be up at
00:47:10.079 like 3:00 a.m. and I’m like, oh, Skyla
00:47:12.160 sent me this list. Oh, it’s this blank.
00:47:14.160 And I’m like, I got to get her that. And
00:47:16.079 then, you know, oh, I got to get her
00:47:17.599 that. And so then this year, I literally
00:47:20.319 got too many things. And so it was the
00:47:22.960 last thing I’m like, oh, should I get
00:47:24.560 it? Should I not get it? So, she loves
00:47:26.960 she wants to be a m movie producer. She
00:47:29.680 loves Marvel. She also loved the
00:47:31.280 Beatles, but I’m not about to get
00:47:32.640 something signed by the Beatles because
00:47:34.000 it’s crazy expensive,
00:47:35.760 >> right?
00:47:36.160 >> So, they had this poster that was like
00:47:39.680 um framed Marvel’s. So, Robert Downey
00:47:43.599 Jr., Chris Evans, all of them signed it.
00:47:47.040 That’s awesome.
00:47:47.440 >> And so, she keeps it’s the coolest
00:47:48.960 thing. I mean, it’s giant. It came It
00:47:50.720 came to the door and she goes, "What is
00:47:52.800 that?" And I’m like, "Nothing." And
00:47:55.440 she’s like, "Is that for me?"
00:47:57.200 And so she’s one of those where she’s
00:47:58.720 like hates secrets.
00:48:00.720 >> Yeah.
00:48:01.200 >> So I swear she’s probably been in my
00:48:02.960 closet. But
00:48:03.599 >> there’s no way she hasn’t looked at it.
00:48:05.359 Let’s just be honest.
00:48:06.480 >> She’s asked every single person here.
00:48:08.960 Mom, it’s midnight. Can you tell Ila
00:48:11.200 what you got me for? I’m like, Scarlet,
00:48:12.800 I’m sleeping. No, but she needs to know.
00:48:14.560 I need to see your face if it’s good
00:48:16.000 enough.
00:48:18.800 >> So, do you exchange gifts or what were
00:48:20.240 we going to say?
00:48:20.720 >> What I was going to say is I miss that.
00:48:22.400 So, you know, I miss when my watching my
00:48:25.119 kids open their gifts and stuff like
00:48:27.359 it’s, you know, so, but that that is a
00:48:31.280 highlight like when
00:48:32.319 >> Well, you’re always welcome to come over
00:48:33.440 and watch my kids open gifts.
00:48:35.520 >> I’ll be getting my house ready for
00:48:37.040 guests, but I appreciate the invite.
00:48:41.119 >> It’s not the same. I know, but they’re
00:48:42.960 getting older, too. So, it’s not the
00:48:44.559 same with that either. You know, we were
00:48:46.079 up at um in Flagstaff at the Would you
00:48:48.640 like some more, Ken? He needs some more.
00:48:51.040 Where’s the bottle?
00:48:52.640 >> Bottle’s Matt, you got to go. You talk
00:48:54.559 amongst
00:48:55.200 >> It needs to be a small swig, please.
00:48:58.480 >> Let’s see. What time is it?
00:48:59.599 >> I don’t have anything until my 7 o’clock
00:49:01.280 dinner reservation in Oldtown. So
00:49:03.280 >> Oh, look it.
00:49:04.240 >> I do have to stop by and let my dog out,
00:49:06.160 but
00:49:07.440 >> Remy, do you have anything? You don’t
00:49:08.800 have a microphone.
00:49:10.400 >> Our producer, are you supposed to be
00:49:11.839 gone by now?
00:49:15.040 >> Oh, you do?
00:49:20.079 more than that.
00:49:20.720 >> Remy, do you have anything to add?
00:49:22.000 >> No, no, no.
00:49:24.000 >> No. I You know what? I do want to know
00:49:26.000 though because you’ve mentioned a couple
00:49:27.359 of times, Matt, uh about uh coming
00:49:30.880 >> This was my Christmas present from Megan
00:49:33.599 and Ken. Amazing.
00:49:35.440 >> Yes. I went to the store to get it and I
00:49:38.000 have no idea what I’m buying when it
00:49:39.280 comes to whiskey, but they told me this
00:49:40.880 was in the top 10.
00:49:42.240 >> 24 years aged.
00:49:43.440 >> So, what is it called? What is it?
00:49:45.359 >> Glenoyne.
00:49:46.640 >> M.
00:49:47.920 >> Phenomenal.
00:49:49.839 that right there.
00:49:50.720 >> There was a guy there that helped me get
00:49:52.079 it and he’s like,
00:49:55.040 "Who’s handsomemer, me or your husband?"
00:49:57.680 >> There was a guy at Total Wine hitting on
00:49:59.440 Megan,
00:50:00.079 >> right?
00:50:00.400 >> And Ken just found out about it,
00:50:01.760 >> right?
00:50:05.040 >> So, wait, what what were you going to
00:50:06.319 say? What were you saying?
00:50:07.040 >> I was I was wanting to know if the the
00:50:10.319 really the the deep down part of the
00:50:12.319 story of you coming to faith.
00:50:16.400 >> Yeah. Okay. So, so after my ex and I
00:50:20.240 split in October of 23,
00:50:24.160 um, you know, I got, first of all, I got
00:50:25.599 married when I was 21. She
00:50:26.960 >> I was just going to say, how long were
00:50:27.839 you married?
00:50:28.640 >> Um, I mean, happily married 22 23 years.
00:50:31.920 >> Wow. Okay.
00:50:32.880 >> Um, and so I got married super young. We
00:50:36.240 had our our first born when I was 21. So
00:50:40.720 22 21 22. Um, and so I never had that
00:50:44.880 party phase, if you will. Mhm.
00:50:46.720 >> So, when my ex and I split in October of
00:50:49.119 23,
00:50:51.680 >> Mr. Big Shot Lawyer went on a party
00:50:53.920 spree. Little bit of a binge.
00:50:55.280 >> Yeah. Which is not good. Don’t do it.
00:50:58.000 I’m not recommending it. But I did that
00:51:00.319 for I don’t know six to eight months and
00:51:05.599 um it was really empty and I was
00:51:08.000 drinking way too much and I was still
00:51:10.480 super focused on my job. But
00:51:12.480 >> Well, you can do that. You can
00:51:13.599 compartmentalize.
00:51:14.640 >> But you said that too. You said you were
00:51:16.160 a cocky pro
00:51:18.480 cocky prosecutor and you said you were
00:51:21.200 you felt like nobody could stop you.
00:51:23.200 >> Yeah.
00:51:23.520 >> So you both were in that same like I’m a
00:51:25.520 lawyer. I can be a
00:51:27.599 >> Well, the practice of law going to law
00:51:30.319 school and the practice of law kind of
00:51:31.680 breeds that a little bit of that
00:51:32.880 cockiness. You have to be the best one
00:51:35.280 in the room,
00:51:36.000 >> right?
00:51:36.319 >> But you guys are so sweet. I can’t There
00:51:38.800 are there we’ve hired lawyers where I’m
00:51:40.640 like sitting there interviewing them and
00:51:42.000 they’re jerks to me. Well, I I mean I’ve
00:51:44.640 gotten a lot more humble.
00:51:46.960 >> I was just going to say
00:51:47.599 >> especially since I found Jesus.
00:51:49.520 >> Oh.
00:51:50.240 >> So, yeah. Like, so I did that party
00:51:51.839 phase and then in May of 24, my brother,
00:51:56.319 he he was going to Trinity and he
00:51:59.680 invited me. He’s like, "Hey, do you want
00:52:00.880 to come check this out?" And so I went
00:52:03.599 in there. I went to a service and just
00:52:05.440 like during the worship, the music,
00:52:07.520 first of all, the music there is
00:52:08.640 unbelievable. It’s like there like a
00:52:10.319 rock concert, too. Um, and so just
00:52:12.960 during the worship, like I started
00:52:14.400 breaking down, like crying right there.
00:52:16.640 And so I’m like, that’s
00:52:18.559 >> I’ve never had that happen before. I I
00:52:20.880 did 12 years of Catholic school and was
00:52:23.440 never really interested in
00:52:24.960 >> studying the Bible or anything like
00:52:26.160 that.
00:52:26.400 >> I was raised Catholic. It’s not the
00:52:27.760 same.
00:52:28.000 >> Yeah, it’s not the same. And so I fell
00:52:30.720 in love with the church and I started
00:52:32.880 going every week. Like if I didn’t go on
00:52:35.839 I always went Saturday evenings. That
00:52:37.280 was my favorite thing to do. go go to
00:52:39.200 church and then go out for dinner and
00:52:40.720 you know that’s your Saturday night,
00:52:42.800 right? Perfect Saturday night.
00:52:44.480 >> And so
00:52:46.319 about a month or two after I started
00:52:48.319 going to Trinity, I met my girlfriend
00:52:50.559 who I’ve been with for we’re going on
00:52:52.079 two years now.
00:52:52.880 >> Oh wow.
00:52:53.440 >> And she’s basically she said, "I want to
00:52:55.680 go with you." So she goes to church with
00:52:57.200 me every Saturday. Um she loves it. It
00:53:01.200 we both got baptized in September.
00:53:04.079 >> I love that.
00:53:04.880 >> Fantastic. And so now like I can’t I
00:53:07.200 can’t open or close the day without
00:53:09.760 Jesus. So like I every morning after I
00:53:12.720 work out I read my devotionals.
00:53:14.400 >> Yes.
00:53:14.800 >> Um I always take the devotional and
00:53:17.440 reference the actual scripture. So I
00:53:19.680 think there’s some people that just read
00:53:20.800 the devotional and then close it. I take
00:53:22.960 whatever verses are cited in the
00:53:24.400 devotional, go back and read the actual
00:53:26.160 scripture.
00:53:27.040 >> I feel that’s more powerful.
00:53:28.480 >> Without a doubt. Yeah. That because the
00:53:30.079 devotional is supplemental to the to the
00:53:32.800 scripture itself, not vice versa. Right.
00:53:35.359 So then that’s my life now. It’s like I
00:53:37.839 I love it. Like I I’m the happiest other
00:53:40.079 than what’s going on with my sons.
00:53:41.760 >> Yeah.
00:53:42.240 >> Um I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.
00:53:44.880 >> I feel like I I don’t need for anything
00:53:48.079 because whenever I’m having a bad day, I
00:53:50.800 don’t
00:53:51.440 >> go see a therapist or anything. I just
00:53:53.280 open the Bible. Like the Bible’s my
00:53:54.960 therapist.
00:53:55.599 >> Yeah.
00:53:56.000 >> I love that. And it’s and it’s okay to
00:53:57.839 drink being Christian because God made
00:53:59.599 water into long as you’re not gluttonous
00:54:01.760 and you’re getting drunk all the time.
00:54:03.040 Right.
00:54:03.520 >> There’s nothing in the Bible that says
00:54:04.640 you can’t drink.
00:54:05.599 >> Exactly.
00:54:07.119 >> I love that story. I love because it
00:54:10.720 happened to me as well going to church.
00:54:12.720 How Jesus reaches into your heart at
00:54:15.359 that moment
00:54:16.480 >> and you can’t stop the tears. And then
00:54:19.040 that happened to me as well.
00:54:20.319 >> Oh yeah. You one day he literally buried
00:54:22.559 himself in my shoulder. I’m like what’s
00:54:24.480 going on?
00:54:25.280 >> In the middle of the service
00:54:26.960 >> and it was just it was so much it was
00:54:29.280 more than you can handle.
00:54:30.559 >> Yeah. And it’s like there’s there’s so
00:54:33.040 much more here.
00:54:33.839 >> Yeah. That’s the Holy Spirit.
00:54:35.440 >> Yeah.
00:54:35.839 >> And so like ever since that that
00:54:37.839 happened, um I go to men’s group on
00:54:40.640 Tuesday nights there. I go to church. I
00:54:43.119 do my Bible reading u my devotionals.
00:54:45.520 And um you know that that that’s all you
00:54:49.119 need, right? Like being a lawyer is
00:54:51.520 great. Helping people’s great. Running
00:54:53.200 your own firm, building a big firm,
00:54:54.960 whatever is great. But honestly, when it
00:54:57.280 comes back to it, Jesus is all that
00:54:58.960 matters. Amen.
00:55:00.480 Yes.
00:55:01.040 >> So, would you give any advice to young
00:55:03.520 dads or people that are just Yeah. now
00:55:06.640 now starting out, maybe they’re not a
00:55:08.400 dad yet.
00:55:09.839 >> How can they try to not uh avoid this
00:55:13.680 parental alienation? Is there is there
00:55:15.760 conversations that maybe could have been
00:55:17.359 had or what do you both think? You know,
00:55:21.280 you asked me as a woman, what about as a
00:55:23.920 man? What what what do you feel you need
00:55:26.640 to do maybe differently that you can
00:55:29.920 give other people advice on, hey, maybe
00:55:32.640 we shouldn’t have been this, which you
00:55:34.400 already have. You know, obviously, you
00:55:36.240 know, it’s obvious
00:55:37.920 >> the cheating, but is there anything else
00:55:39.920 that maybe you could have done
00:55:41.119 differently to
00:55:43.760 change the outcome of the parental
00:55:45.280 alienation? I mean, I know that’s hard
00:55:46.720 cuz it’s abuse,
00:55:48.799 but would you say there’s anything that
00:55:50.799 guys can say, "Hey guys, this is what I
00:55:53.040 would do."
00:55:54.240 >> You want to jump on that one first?
00:55:55.599 >> Yeah, I’ll jump on it first. So, being
00:55:57.920 the strongest father you can. So, like
00:56:00.000 our pastor teaches us to build up strong
00:56:03.920 men to bless women and children. That’s
00:56:05.920 his his saying. And it’s true. You want
00:56:08.720 to be the leader of the family. So, you
00:56:11.839 got to you want to make sure everybody’s
00:56:13.839 going to church. like you got to lead
00:56:15.200 them to church. Like my ex never wanted
00:56:16.960 to go to church. And so if if you’re
00:56:20.400 early on in marriage or you’re thinking
00:56:21.839 about getting married, you want to make
00:56:23.040 sure that you’re on the same page with
00:56:25.520 your spouse or soon to be spouse that,
00:56:27.760 hey, they want to be involved in the
00:56:30.160 church and they want to raise their
00:56:31.920 family in the church. I think that’s a
00:56:34.000 that’s a big thing for sure. Also, um
00:56:38.559 don’t lose sight of your family. Like I
00:56:40.880 did not spend enough time with my sons
00:56:43.680 while I was building my business. I was
00:56:45.440 consumed with, oh, I got to be the
00:56:47.520 biggest. I got to be the best. Right.
00:56:49.599 And
00:56:50.079 >> And who was that for? For yourself? And
00:56:52.000 this is what I like to ask Ken Jack. I
00:56:53.760 mean, Ken, for yourself or was that for
00:56:56.240 your family? Or both?
00:56:57.680 >> For for both, right? Because I wanted my
00:56:59.839 family to I didn’t want my family to
00:57:01.920 ever worry about finances or anything
00:57:04.160 like that.
00:57:04.720 >> Well, see, yeah. So, here’s the thing.
00:57:06.480 For guys, you it’s tough.
00:57:08.880 >> Ego, too. It’s tough to separate that.
00:57:11.839 When you’re when you’re working hard,
00:57:14.640 >> the more you work, the more you succeed,
00:57:16.960 the more you earn, the more you’re doing
00:57:19.440 it for your family. It’s hard for guys
00:57:21.280 to separate that.
00:57:22.720 >> Right. Exactly. And so, like, that’s why
00:57:25.520 I was doing it was for my family, but
00:57:28.559 also like, hey, yeah. I mean, it’s an
00:57:31.119 ego boost. Like, hey,
00:57:33.200 >> um, but
00:57:33.920 >> so how do they separate that? So, where
00:57:35.520 is it? Where is that line? like, "Hey,
00:57:37.920 you know, you’re an attorney. You may be
00:57:39.440 fun to go to these, you know, these
00:57:41.920 mixers, these things that like, hey, I’m
00:57:44.960 an attorney." Where is that line where
00:57:47.200 you can say, "I’m going to go like Ken,
00:57:49.599 he used to go on these uh teaching what
00:57:53.040 the CL CL and that’s when he would be
00:57:55.520 cheating on the CLLE uh you know,
00:57:58.240 conventions or whatever." It’s like
00:58:00.480 where do you not where do you stop lying
00:58:03.440 to yourself saying well I’m gonna go to
00:58:05.359 this mixer because if I don’t go it’ll
00:58:06.960 make me look bad you know where is that
00:58:09.520 line
00:58:10.480 >> mixers are important like I I built my
00:58:12.799 business through meeting attorneys and
00:58:15.760 networking with attorneys like that’s
00:58:17.280 how I built my business
00:58:19.119 >> um a lot of the personal injury lawyers
00:58:20.720 in the state send to me because I built
00:58:23.119 the relationships. Sure. So that’s
00:58:24.720 important to do that, but at the same
00:58:26.799 time, you got to you got to keep it
00:58:29.760 minimized. If I could go back and do it
00:58:32.240 a lot differently, I would have
00:58:34.400 >> I wouldn’t go to every event.
00:58:36.240 >> And I I would focus more and when I when
00:58:38.480 I got home, I wouldn’t just log onto my
00:58:41.359 computer and start working.
00:58:42.880 >> I would spend time with my kids maybe
00:58:45.839 until they went to bed. And who cares if
00:58:47.920 the work, you know, carries over to the
00:58:50.319 next day?
00:58:51.440 >> I was just so
00:58:52.400 >> cuz it’s always there. It’s always
00:58:53.839 there. It doesn’t go away. And so, yeah,
00:58:56.480 if I could go back and do things
00:58:57.839 differently, a I would make sure I
00:59:00.799 married somebody that was in line with,
00:59:03.920 you know, raising their kids in the
00:59:05.200 church. Now, keep in mind when I got
00:59:07.040 married, I was not that that’s not where
00:59:09.040 I was. No. And I think, you know, with
00:59:11.119 Megan asking what advice, that’s the the
00:59:13.920 advice. I mean, everything you’re saying
00:59:15.760 is is spot on, and I agree with all
00:59:17.599 that. And the advice would be
00:59:20.079 >> don’t underestimate yourself. Get to
00:59:22.880 church. You need it. It’s not for other
00:59:25.599 people. It’s for you. Right.
00:59:27.119 >> And if if your spouse won’t go,
00:59:29.599 >> go anyway. And they will follow by
00:59:32.480 example.
00:59:32.960 >> But do you think that there should be a
00:59:34.480 limit on how much you work? Because I
00:59:36.319 know with attorneys, they’re like 60
00:59:38.079 hours, 70 hours a week. This is And when
00:59:40.480 we got together, I said, "Uh-uh. We’re
00:59:42.000 not doing a 24-hour hotline or
00:59:43.599 whatever." They can email us, and if
00:59:44.960 we’re up at 3:00 a.m., we can look at
00:59:46.559 that. But that’s that pie we were
00:59:49.599 talking about. And we were talking about
00:59:52.480 Dan Bonino going back coming off the FBI
00:59:55.280 out of the, you know, he’s leaving the
00:59:56.720 FBI because his wife is lonely and they
00:59:59.280 feel or maybe he’s lonely too. They just
01:00:01.200 feel like they’re divorced. And you had
01:00:04.640 said a guy’s identity is very much his
01:00:06.960 job. And I said a woman’s identity is
01:00:08.799 very much being a mother.
01:00:10.319 >> So isn’t that interesting? You have
01:00:11.599 mothers being super uber protective of
01:00:13.760 their kids, parental alienations, and
01:00:15.920 guys diving into their work. So when you
01:00:19.520 look at that, maybe telling young guys,
01:00:21.440 hey, look at the pie. If your if your
01:00:24.960 life is 90% your job, something’s wrong.
01:00:28.559 >> Yeah.
01:00:29.520 >> Yeah. It’s And it’s easy to recommend
01:00:32.880 that.
01:00:33.760 >> It’s a lot more difficult to execute,
01:00:36.160 right? Especially I mean Ken and I, we
01:00:38.400 own our own firms, so we’re like this
01:00:40.160 these are our babies.
01:00:41.920 >> So like it’s hard to
01:00:44.000 >> it’s hard to take the foot off the gas,
01:00:46.400 >> right? And so,
01:00:47.520 >> right, when you’re doing well, you want
01:00:49.359 to do better, right?
01:00:50.400 >> When you’re not doing well, you want to
01:00:52.319 do better.
01:00:52.799 >> But that’s also it’s a and it’s an it
01:00:55.520 could be a dopamine high, an addiction.
01:00:57.280 >> Totally
01:00:57.839 >> right. I want to do better. But are
01:00:59.359 you’re not doing better in the places
01:01:00.720 that actually have eternal meaning.
01:01:02.720 >> Well, it’s just like tithing
01:01:03.760 >> to your kids.
01:01:04.400 >> It’s what they say about tithing.
01:01:07.119 >> Your heart will follow where you put
01:01:09.520 your money. Your heart will follow where
01:01:11.200 you put your time and energy. And if
01:01:13.520 you’re if you’re putting your time and
01:01:14.880 energy at work, then then the family’s
01:01:18.160 going to suffer if you put
01:01:19.760 >> But there could be a balance. That’s
01:01:21.280 what I would like to hear. You know, you
01:01:23.359 guys telling these young guys maybe
01:01:24.640 getting into what you’re doing
01:01:25.920 >> and time your family.
01:01:27.280 >> Can they say, "Hey, you know what? At
01:01:29.440 6:00 or whatever, my emails are done
01:01:32.640 until the morning and unless there’s an
01:01:34.799 emergency, I’m going to spend my time
01:01:36.960 with my family."
01:01:37.680 >> Absolutely. Yeah, you can. You can. And
01:01:40.480 and like we were both saying, the work’s
01:01:42.799 going to carry over to the next day.
01:01:45.359 And so I it’s more important to put your
01:01:48.079 time into your family. I mean, you got
01:01:50.240 to build your firm, you know, grow or
01:01:52.400 die. I’m all about grow or die, but but
01:01:54.720 family first, right?
01:01:55.839 >> And there’s an and there’s instances
01:01:57.440 where you have to make yourself
01:01:58.720 available. If there’s a prior
01:02:00.799 commitment, whatever, you have to be
01:02:02.400 available. But in the overall picture,
01:02:04.880 and nothing ever looks perfect. you
01:02:06.720 know, you’re going to have these rocky
01:02:08.240 points where you’re like, you know, this
01:02:09.520 time I have to go and whatever, but
01:02:11.520 overall, you have to
01:02:14.720 >> as a guy
01:02:16.640 be humbled and say, I need to
01:02:21.280 be there for my family.
01:02:22.400 >> You have to trust
01:02:24.480 that God has the plan for you. So, if
01:02:27.520 you miss out on a client, if you miss
01:02:30.640 out on a business opportunity because
01:02:33.359 you’re spending time with your family,
01:02:35.920 you have to trust that that’s what God
01:02:38.480 wanted you to do. You have to trust that
01:02:40.720 in the end, you will come out better on
01:02:43.040 the other side.
01:02:44.000 >> I love it.
01:02:44.720 >> Exactly. You put everything in God’s
01:02:46.559 hands.
01:02:47.040 >> I love that. So, is there any good books
01:02:48.720 or good movies that you’d like to re
01:02:50.240 recommend, Matt, that you you think is
01:02:52.319 either whatever? Well, I I just finished
01:02:54.880 Killing Jesus by Bill O’Reilly. I don’t
01:02:57.119 know if you read it.
01:02:57.920 >> Oh, no. I read Killing Patton.
01:02:59.680 >> Yeah, the
01:03:00.240 >> I want to read this one.
01:03:01.200 >> Read it. I just finished I should have
01:03:02.720 brought it. Um
01:03:03.839 >> I got to get it.
01:03:04.559 >> I get it. Um I I had read it before
01:03:07.599 because I read all the that whole
01:03:09.040 series, but I had read it before I found
01:03:11.200 Jesus. And then after you find Jesus and
01:03:13.680 read it,
01:03:14.079 >> I bet it was completely different.
01:03:15.359 >> Completely different. Completely
01:03:17.119 different.
01:03:17.359 >> And it’s called Killing Jesus.
01:03:18.640 >> Yeah. By Bill O’Reilly. So, um
01:03:21.359 >> they’re really good books. I just read
01:03:22.720 the one. It was really written well. I I
01:03:25.200 got to get that idea.
01:03:25.839 >> So, can you give a summary of it, would
01:03:27.200 you say?
01:03:27.599 >> Yeah. I mean, basically, so the way the
01:03:29.440 books are written, and and Ken will
01:03:30.880 attest to that, you feel like you’re
01:03:32.400 there in the event. I mean, they’re
01:03:33.760 historical books. Um, they’re
01:03:35.920 non-fiction books, but you feel like
01:03:38.400 you’re there. So, you you feel like
01:03:39.839 you’re there when, you know, he’s
01:03:41.520 carrying the cross up to the hill. Um,
01:03:44.240 you feel like you’re there when they’re
01:03:45.839 torturing him in the palace of Pontius
01:03:48.720 Pilate. Like, I mean, you feel like
01:03:50.160 you’re there. It’s um so it is a great
01:03:54.079 summary of Jesus’s life um like in
01:03:58.000 detail and he’s citing back to the
01:03:59.920 scriptures and historical data. Um but
01:04:03.440 it’s not like a history book. You feel
01:04:05.440 like you’re actually there at that time.
01:04:07.920 >> Yeah. They’re really really they grab
01:04:10.079 your attention. They’re very engaging.
01:04:11.760 At least you know the one I got to you
01:04:13.920 know assume that they’re all the same
01:04:16.079 with what you’re saying but they grab
01:04:17.760 your attention and keep it. So to two
01:04:20.480 successful men who have made millions of
01:04:23.119 dollars, why do you need Jesus? I mean,
01:04:25.599 isn’t that enough? Just making money for
01:04:27.359 those those guys that are like, "Hey,
01:04:30.480 I’m young. I I’m making money already. I
01:04:33.280 already made 200 grand this year, 300
01:04:35.440 grand. I’m driving a whatever kind of
01:04:37.920 car. Why would I need Jesus? I’m already
01:04:40.319 filled up." What would you guys say to
01:04:41.839 them?
01:04:42.160 >> Go ahead, Matt.
01:04:43.760 >> Money doesn’t solve your problems. Money
01:04:46.160 doesn’t f fill up your heart. Money, I
01:04:49.520 mean, you can make all the money you
01:04:50.799 want in the world and still be an empty
01:04:52.240 person. So, you’ve gota you’ve got to
01:04:54.480 have that higher power to turn to. I
01:04:56.160 mean, I knew I lived it myself. Like,
01:04:58.240 I’ve I’ve made a great living. And, you
01:05:01.280 know, like I said, we were talking about
01:05:02.400 I was doing the party lifestyle for a
01:05:04.240 while and Jesus was not in my life. I
01:05:06.160 was lonely. I was depressed. I was sad.
01:05:08.480 like you got to have that that spiritual
01:05:11.920 power to turn to um and bring you down
01:05:15.039 to earth like Jesus has given me
01:05:16.799 tremendous humility. I used to be a very
01:05:18.720 arrogant person and I’m sure other
01:05:21.760 people would say that and I you know I’m
01:05:23.680 coming forward and saying I was as well
01:05:25.680 but um I’m a lot more humble than I was.
01:05:28.720 So who cares about the cars? Who cares
01:05:30.880 about the house? None of that stuff
01:05:32.640 matters if you don’t have Jesus. But
01:05:34.319 see, for the guys that don’t have the
01:05:36.480 cars and the house and don’t have the
01:05:38.640 income yet, we’ve been there. We know
01:05:41.920 that it’s hard to think of something
01:05:44.400 other than that. So, we’ve got to figure
01:05:47.039 out how to reach out to those guys and
01:05:49.680 say it’s not really what it’s cracked up
01:05:52.640 to be. It’s not what you think it is.
01:05:55.119 It’s it’s not the fulfilling thing in
01:05:57.760 life. The fulfilling thing in life is
01:06:00.079 having a relationship with your God and
01:06:01.760 having a relationship with your wife.
01:06:03.920 girlfriend, you know,
01:06:05.440 >> your significant other. Significant
01:06:06.720 other. Exactly. Yeah. I mean, that’s
01:06:08.400 that’s where you get your fulfillment.
01:06:10.160 So, it’s teaching these younger lawyers
01:06:13.119 or younger business people,
01:06:15.200 >> hey, you can have both, but you’re going
01:06:17.599 to get more fulfillment with your
01:06:19.200 relationship with with Christ um and and
01:06:22.960 your significant other, wife or husband.
01:06:25.520 >> Yeah. And one is deeper, I would say. I
01:06:27.760 remember this was probably seven years
01:06:29.440 ago and when I really decided we need to
01:06:32.000 do more than just the law firm. I
01:06:35.039 remember I was sitting in the bath
01:06:36.480 looking at my shoes going how many more
01:06:38.799 Louis Vuitton or Valentinos can I have?
01:06:42.079 Because the high is when you open up the
01:06:43.920 box and you get the new pair of shoes
01:06:45.119 and you’re like this is amazing. That’s
01:06:48.000 how long about a day that that lasts and
01:06:51.359 then you feel exactly like you did.
01:06:53.039 >> Mhm.
01:06:53.440 >> And you buy the next thing and you buy
01:06:54.960 the next thing. It’s that instant
01:06:56.319 gratification.
01:06:57.039 >> Yeah. It’s covering up what’s on the
01:06:58.160 inside, what’s not there
01:07:00.160 >> and you’re like I feel dead inside.
01:07:03.680 Yeah.
01:07:04.000 >> I feel like why do I feel that way? And
01:07:07.359 it’s because you’re not making an
01:07:09.200 eternal impact. And that has more to do
01:07:11.680 less to do with works, but more to do
01:07:14.160 with for me, I love that thought of a
01:07:17.599 ripple effect, giving back and letting
01:07:20.960 people know like there’s hope. Jesus
01:07:24.240 died for us. And that is something
01:07:27.760 way deeper than any pair of shoes or car
01:07:29.920 can ever buy you. And until you feel
01:07:32.240 that,
01:07:33.760 you’re never going to know what that is.
01:07:35.359 It’s just words to these people that are
01:07:37.119 atheists or people that have never known
01:07:39.599 the Holy Spirit. And unfortunately, you
01:07:41.280 want to try and save them from that
01:07:42.640 because you don’t want them to have to
01:07:44.079 get to the bottom where you’re crying
01:07:45.839 and saying, "God, please, now I feel
01:07:47.599 it." Obviously, God has a plan. And
01:07:49.920 sometimes it takes it.
01:07:51.359 >> It takes you to get there. Yeah.
01:07:53.440 >> And I and I feel I feel bad for people
01:07:56.160 that don’t believe in Jesus. Um like I
01:07:59.920 have never been at a place before where
01:08:02.079 like not that I’m suicidal, but if I
01:08:04.880 died tomorrow, I don’t care because I
01:08:07.280 know I’m going to
01:08:08.240 >> Yeah.
01:08:08.720 >> Right. He’s going to say, "Well done,
01:08:10.079 sir." when I get to the gates. Like
01:08:11.760 that’s
01:08:12.640 >> that’s where I am. And I I think it’s a
01:08:14.400 pretty awesome place to be at.
01:08:15.760 >> Oh, yeah.
01:08:16.238 >> Um because I’ve repented for
01:08:18.640 >> my sins. I sin. Everybody sins.
01:08:20.479 >> Everybody does. sin daily, sin weekly,
01:08:22.880 but I repent.
01:08:23.920 >> Yeah.
01:08:24.319 >> And that’s the difference. And so, like,
01:08:27.359 when you find Jesus and you get to a
01:08:29.279 place like that, you know, you know
01:08:31.359 that, hey, if if tomorrow is my day
01:08:33.520 where he calls me up, like
01:08:35.439 >> Oh, no. I’ I’ve
01:08:36.319 >> He’s going to pat me on the head and
01:08:37.439 said, "Well, well done."
01:08:38.560 >> Oh, yeah. I’ I’ve looked at like
01:08:40.319 different tragedies and I’m like,
01:08:43.679 >> that’s so sad, but at the same time,
01:08:47.040 they get to be with Jesus today.
01:08:48.399 >> Yeah. Right. Yeah. And I mean, and
01:08:50.960 that’s sad because I don’t want to leave
01:08:52.000 my kids and I don’t want to leave my
01:08:53.040 family. Like you said, you’re not
01:08:54.000 suicidal. But at the same time, you’re
01:08:56.560 like, "Oh, it’ll be so nice when I don’t
01:08:58.000 have to worry about X, Y, and Z, and I
01:08:59.520 can just be in the arms of Jesus, of
01:09:01.520 God, and know that everything is over.
01:09:03.759 That way, I don’t have to struggle
01:09:04.799 anymore."
01:09:05.439 >> I love that one little short video clip.
01:09:07.679 his Tik Tok or whatever that you showed
01:09:09.198 me right after Charlie Kirk was shot and
01:09:11.679 it was him talking in the uh in the tent
01:09:14.319 and he gets shot and he drops the the
01:09:17.040 microphone and charges up the stairs to
01:09:19.600 Jesus. I mean just runs after it was a
01:09:21.679 little powerful. Yeah. Yeah. It was
01:09:23.920 beautiful. Beautiful sentiment.
01:09:25.920 >> Yeah.
01:09:27.120 >> And there’s nothing like for you, you
01:09:29.040 were raised Jewish. You didn’t want to
01:09:30.880 have anything to do with Jesus and you
01:09:32.719 started watching Case for Christ. Yeah.
01:09:34.479 And so maybe even someone, you know, you
01:09:36.238 being lawyers looking at that as just,
01:09:40.238 hey, you could say, I hate this movie. I
01:09:43.359 hate this book, but just why not for a
01:09:46.319 second look at it and see what Lee
01:09:48.319 Strobel has to say.
01:09:49.439 >> Yeah. You’ve got to get to a point where
01:09:50.719 you’re you’re open to the suggestion.
01:09:52.799 And you know, honestly, the the whole
01:09:56.159 you mentioned uh you know, being
01:09:58.080 fulfilled with Jesus. One of the other
01:10:00.800 things that’s that’s so important to me
01:10:02.400 is just the guidance that I get
01:10:05.280 throughout everyday life. And it’s just
01:10:07.440 shocking how much in scripture is still
01:10:10.080 relevant to today. And when I was
01:10:13.120 younger, when I was Jewish, when I was,
01:10:15.199 you know,
01:10:16.880 bordering on atheistic, you know, the
01:10:20.000 the the saying, "What would Jesus do?"
01:10:22.080 and the, you know, the WWJD bumper
01:10:24.640 stickers, that was a punchline to me.
01:10:26.560 That was a joke. But honestly, being on
01:10:29.600 this side of it, it means so much to
01:10:32.400 pattern your life after what would Jesus
01:10:35.040 tell you to do. It’s really, really
01:10:37.040 powerful to me. It really is. It really
01:10:39.440 is. Um, and go going back to what we
01:10:42.880 were talking about before with the cars
01:10:44.320 and the houses. I can tell you, I have a
01:10:47.840 beautiful home in North Scottsdale, but
01:10:49.840 right after we split, those were some of
01:10:52.800 the most lonely times I’ve ever had.
01:10:54.560 Like, oh wow, I’m in this nice househ.
01:10:57.040 Mhm.
01:10:57.600 >> Who cares?
01:10:58.400 >> Right.
01:10:58.719 >> Right.
01:10:59.600 >> So until you until you find that higher
01:11:01.920 power, none of that none of that stuff
01:11:03.520 matters.
01:11:04.560 >> So totally.
01:11:05.600 >> Yeah. In our last podcast, Ken was
01:11:06.960 saying like one day he came down
01:11:08.239 jokingly and said, "I don’t feel like
01:11:09.600 being a lawyer." And I said, "Okay."
01:11:11.600 >> And it’s because I own my stuff. My
01:11:13.440 stuff doesn’t own me. I can be in an
01:11:15.360 apartment or a condo and I could make it
01:11:18.320 just as fulfilling as our giant home.
01:11:21.440 Yeah, you you you just know that nothing
01:11:24.719 would be emptier if you lived in a
01:11:26.400 10,000 foot home all by yourself.
01:11:28.960 Crickets, no family. How lonely is that?
01:11:31.360 Depressing,
01:11:32.000 >> you know, how lonely is that? And your
01:11:33.679 house is beautiful. We’ve seen your
01:11:34.880 house when we came to pick up the
01:11:37.360 >> drum set. Your house is beautiful. It’s
01:11:39.280 in a beautiful area.
01:11:40.880 >> But I can agree with you that
01:11:44.000 >> family is what makes a house a home. And
01:11:46.480 if you’re putting all your your energy
01:11:50.080 into just your work, you’re eventually
01:11:52.480 could you eventually could be there
01:11:54.320 where all you have is you.
01:11:56.159 >> Yeah.
01:11:56.480 >> If that’s all you’re filling up is you.
01:11:58.159 >> Yeah. It’s not a good place to be. I
01:12:01.280 lived it.
01:12:01.760 >> And see, you guys may not have boys that
01:12:04.000 you’re talking to right now, but you
01:12:05.840 could be talking to the men out there
01:12:07.600 right now and counseling them. These
01:12:09.679 young men that are your son’s ages,
01:12:11.760 >> right,
01:12:12.080 >> that maybe don’t have a father figure in
01:12:13.840 their life right now.
01:12:16.560 Well, I hope that has some impact on on
01:12:18.800 somebody. I really do. When you talk
01:12:20.719 about the the impact, we don’t know what
01:12:22.880 we leave behind us in this life, but if
01:12:25.360 it reaches one person, then that’s
01:12:26.880 that’s enough.
01:12:27.600 >> Yeah, I agree. Hopefully, it does.
01:12:28.640 >> I agree. That’s why I never hesitate to
01:12:30.800 share my story with I mean, I’m I’m sure
01:12:33.199 there’s some people that would be like,
01:12:34.080 I don’t want to talk about that. I don’t
01:12:34.960 want to talk about that.
01:12:35.520 >> No, but you’re looking to the ones that
01:12:36.800 need to hear this and God is going to
01:12:38.880 open their ears to what you guys are
01:12:40.640 saying right now.
01:12:41.440 >> Right. I’ve always been like, here it
01:12:43.040 is. it’s on the table because and I do
01:12:44.960 that because I I want to help somebody
01:12:47.520 like I want somebody that’s going
01:12:49.679 through what I went through or may go
01:12:51.520 through what I went through.
01:12:54.000 >> Maybe they changed their course based on
01:12:55.760 what they hear from me.
01:12:56.880 >> I love that because that’s the ripple
01:12:58.800 effect.
01:12:59.280 >> Yeah.
01:12:59.760 >> You guys are not just making a
01:13:01.040 difference here today. It will ripple
01:13:03.520 when they watch that and they’re they
01:13:05.280 might go, "Hey, you know what? I’m not
01:13:07.040 going to go to the next mixer. I think
01:13:08.320 I’ve been to the last five. And you know
01:13:10.480 what? Cindy or whoever, you know what I
01:13:13.120 mean? I don’t know what any
01:13:14.159 >> shout out to Cindy Mendoza.
01:13:20.000 >> Somebody may be at the mixer and you
01:13:22.400 know, we’ve tend to flirted you. You
01:13:24.400 know, we started flirting because I’m
01:13:25.679 not feeling it at home. Well, guess
01:13:28.080 what? Why don’t you just stop?
01:13:29.679 >> Whatever you think it is, it’s not worth
01:13:31.760 Well, you’ve said to me before, if I
01:13:33.840 could go back and leave my marriage
01:13:35.679 before I cheated, I should have done
01:13:37.360 that.
01:13:37.600 >> I should have done that without a doubt.
01:13:39.760 I did it the wrong way. I absolutely did
01:13:42.080 it the wrong way. There’s a right way to
01:13:43.760 do it if you’re if you’re doing it. You
01:13:46.480 know, obviously we’re in the at the
01:13:49.199 point on the side of things where we are
01:13:52.400 more interested in the commitment to
01:13:54.480 marriage and trying to figure out how to
01:13:56.159 make things work. But we know from
01:13:58.400 personal experience, there are times
01:14:00.480 where it just can’t. And so there’s a
01:14:02.159 right way to do it and a wrong way to do
01:14:03.520 it and do it the right way before it
01:14:05.840 gets and that’s could have saved a lot
01:14:08.480 of heartache, a lot of money, a lot of
01:14:10.800 time
01:14:12.400 potentially could have saved the
01:14:14.159 parental alienation. You just never
01:14:16.000 know.
01:14:16.159 >> No, I doubt it with your Oh, sorry.
01:14:18.880 >> She would have been vicious anyways.
01:14:20.880 >> No, but Ken’s right. Like, you know,
01:14:22.960 right?
01:14:23.360 >> But I wish I could have gone back and
01:14:25.120 done things differently. But here’s the
01:14:26.719 other thing. Like, Satan’s going to pull
01:14:28.719 you back to look at
01:14:29.840 >> Yeah.
01:14:30.239 >> Hey, hey, look what you did wrong. This
01:14:32.480 is what you did wrong,
01:14:33.520 >> right?
01:14:33.920 >> Jesus wants us to look forward.
01:14:35.360 >> But for the guys currently in that
01:14:37.199 position was what I’m saying. You guys
01:14:38.880 should You guys have repent.
01:14:40.480 >> Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry.
01:14:43.600 I’m just wanted Isaiah is probably the
01:14:46.000 guy from
01:14:46.400 >> the guy from total total more
01:14:51.360 like
01:14:52.239 >> repent for some of these thoughts I’m
01:14:53.600 having right now.
01:14:58.000 >> Well, Matt, it’s been such a great honor
01:15:00.159 having you here. You’re a a great guy, a
01:15:02.640 great friend, a phenomenal attorney.
01:15:05.280 Really appreciate you sharing
01:15:06.960 >> the heartache, the stories, the
01:15:08.640 repentance, the the the victory with us.
01:15:12.159 Uh why don’t you make sure you look into
01:15:14.480 the camera up there. Tell people how
01:15:15.840 they can reach you if they need help
01:15:17.280 with a work comp uh injury.
01:15:19.679 >> Yeah, absolutely. Thank you. Um I
01:15:22.000 appreciate being here. You guys have
01:15:23.360 been awesome. Um so if you have any
01:15:26.239 issues with being hurt on the job, you
01:15:28.320 can reach out to us uh on the web at
01:15:30.960 fendinlaw.net or fendlaw.com. fend
01:15:34.719 law.net.com.
01:15:36.880 You can contact the office 602562911.
01:15:41.120 We have offices in Phoenix, Scottdale,
01:15:43.360 Prescuit,
01:15:45.040 Flag, and Tucson. So, we’re all over the
01:15:46.960 state. We do free consultations for any
01:15:49.120 work comp matter. Um, so we’re here for
01:15:52.560 you. You can always give us a call and
01:15:54.640 if it’s something you need Matt for,
01:15:56.159 we’ll get you over to him for sure.
01:15:58.000 >> Appreciate it.
01:15:59.040 >> Yay. Thank you, Matt.
01:16:00.719 >> All right. Thanks, man.
01:16:01.440 >> Merry Christmas. Mary grew.